Paris Hilton leaving Barney's New York in Beverly Hills (11/26)

This pains me greatly. More than syphilis. Not that I would know what that feels like. Just figured it to be an appropriate analogy for a story about Paris Hilton. From E!:
[Paris Hilton] scooped up a red 2012 Ferrari California worth about $300,000 on Friday.

"Just drove my new car for the first time," Hilton tweeted Friday. "Such a beautiful car and so much fun to drive! I love it! #YES! I Love Fast Cars!"

Our Hilton source tells E! News, "She decided to treat herself to an early Christmas gift. She worked very hard this year and just got home from traveling to 12 different countries to open her stores. Paris has always wanted a red Ferrari ever since being a little girl. She is a huge tomboy at heart and loves fast cars and bikes."
This is an outrage. Who was the dealer that betrayed the memory of Enzo Ferrari by letting Paris Hilton buy a California? You've soiled the name, fella. We've always associated the word "Ferrari" with performance, sophistication, and quality, but you've added washed-up whore, wonk eye, and Valtrex to my new imagery. Why don't you just smear the Mona Lisa with feces while you're at it? Unless you can explain how this travesty happened, you can go ahead and cancel my order. I've decided that I'd rather spend my money on another Italian supercar: the Fiat 500.

*15 Paris Hilton pictures total in the gallery:

  • Paris Hilton Ferrari California 1
  • Paris Hilton Ferrari California 2
  • Paris Hilton Ferrari California 3
  • Paris Hilton Ferrari California 4
  • Paris Hilton Ferrari California 5
  • Paris Hilton Ferrari California 6
  • Paris Hilton Ferrari California 7
  • Paris Hilton Ferrari California 8
  • Paris Hilton Ferrari California 9
  • Paris Hilton Ferrari California 10
  • Paris Hilton Ferrari California 11
  • Paris Hilton Ferrari California 12
  • Paris Hilton Ferrari California 13
  • Paris Hilton Ferrari California 14
  • Paris Hilton Ferrari California 15
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