The next Martha Stewart

Gwyneth Paltrow leaving Scott's restaurant in London (3/15)

Just in time for Easter, Gwyneth Paltrow's new cookbook is hitting shelves next month. You'll just love her chocolate raspberry tort recipe: "Fly to Tanzania and go to the Central Market for fresh berries. Find Djmoun and tell him Gwyn sent you." From the New York Post:

Gwyneth Paltrow's quest to become the next Martha Stewart may be closer in sight. Gwyneth Paltrow's quest to become the next Martha Stewart may be closer in sight. Sources say the culinarily inclined star was shot in London for the June cover of Bon Appetit, posing for a cooking and entertaining feature for the Condé Nast title. The Post's Keith Kelly reported last week that Paltrow, who runs foodie lifestyle Web site Goop.com, is cooking up a food magazine with publishing powerhouse Hearst. Paltrow has a cookbook out next month, "My Father's Daughter."

Shouldn't Gwyneth's book really be called, "I'm only Famous BECAUSE I'm My Father's Daughter"? If Gwyneth's father hadn't been a big shot Hollywood producer, none of us would even know who she was today. We wouldn't have to watch her wooden acting, read her condescending newsletter, or listen to her shrill voice when she sings. Frankly, I'd like to write a book too. I'd call it, "Thanks A Lot Gwyneth's Dad, You Fucking Asshole."

*5 Gwyneth Paltrow pictures total in the gallery:

[Flynet]

We always pay.

Her wish is to become a brand now. So Hollywood will die trying repackage her first as "country artist" and now a "culinary Brand" even if they lose millions in the process because our TAX DOLLARS will eventually subsidize her failed tax write offs.

Jason S.

No, Gwyneth's book should be called "I'm only famous because Steven Spielberg is my godfather and I banged Harvey Weinstein."

I'd read THAT book.

Anonymous

Thank all the pagan gods that the third most annoying woman in the world has at last returned to her home.