This is like a really bad dream

SHUT UP

*pinches self hoping I'll wake up* . . . *again* . . . *and again* . . . aw god dammit this isn't working. From the New York Post:

Gwyneth Paltrow, who's been shopping for a music deal, is in advanced talks with Atlantic Records, Page Six has learned. The Oscar-winning actress is poised to sign a contract with the Warner Music-owned label to produce a country album following her starring role in "Country Strong."

A source told us, "Gwyneth's agents have been talking to a number of labels about landing her a substantial record deal. Those who have heard the music say it's country pop. Many labels would be reluctant to give a deal to a star whose first priority is film, but in recent weeks there have been discussions with Atlantic. Gwyneth is a very different name for Atlantic, and one who brings a lot of recognition." Its roster includes Sean Paul, B.o.B, T.I., James Blunt, Janelle Monae, Zero 7, Phil Collins and Kid Rock.

Paltrow recently said she was discussing possible contracts with several labels, and said on the Oscars red carpet, "We're talking about it now. So we'll see."

This is just what Gwyneth's ego needs - a record contract. If you think this bitch was an insufferable loudmouth before, you haven't seen anything yet. Next week she'll probably give advice in her stupid newsletter about how if you want to sign a lucrative record deal, all you have to do is ~~be married to a famous musician~~ ~~exploit the fame that was handed to you by your parents~~ work really hard.

*5 Gwyneth Paltrow pictures total in the gallery:

Terry

Thankfully she is British, or maybe Scotts, and she won't stay here long. Soon she will be back in Merry Ole England. If not, we will have to get ICE to deport her.

Master yoda

Can't argue the talent angle. She can sing, dance, act, and, apparently, jerk off an albino gorilla.

PH

People would pay a fair price to watch her choke to death on live TV, but as a person she appears to be a condescending asshole based on a large composite of interviews.

Buffy

As an actress, singer and overall human being, Gwyn is an annoying failure. However, as an example of how women should eat and a poster girl for female physic, she is great. All women should be slim lik Gwyn. Save some food for the starving peoples of the world and help save the earth from global warming.

Gorn

Make it stop!

Blueflie

Her "O" face...

Hawk

I wonder if any of her god awful songs will show up on the Iron Man 3 soundtrack...