It was the detox's fault

Jessica Simpson leaving Katsuya on Monday night

Turns out it wasn't actually the alcohol that made Jessica Simpson so shitfaced on Monday night [says her publicist]. Now don't we all feel foolish for jumping to such an outrageous conclusion. From the New York Post:

Jessica Simpson was wobbly at Hollywood hot spot Katsuya after sipping sake following days of a detoxing cleanse. She was given a helping hand by her fiancé, Eric Johnson, "after ordering up the most expensive sake and dancing round the table. She had just finished a cleanse and this was the first meal she had eaten in days," a friend told us. Simpson let her hair down with a group of pals Monday, when spies said she ordered fried rock shrimp, creamy crab rolls, spicy tuna and crispy rice.

It isn't known what type of detox Simpson had, but juice-only cleanses are popular in Hollywood -- and users are advised to avoid rich food and heavy alcohol right after. A rep for Simpson didn't get back to us.

Riiiiiight, detoxing and sushi is what made Jessica so wobbly. Or maybe it was the fact that her chopstick thin legs have a problem holding up her pear-shaped body. In the end, the reason she couldn't stand comes down to simple physics: the mass of her body times the force on her legs equaled a drunken lush that could barely stand on its own. Actually, I'm pretty sure that's one of Newton's Mathematical Principles.

*15 Jessica Simpson pictures total in the gallery:

STUFF YOU MAY HAVE MISSED:

[Pacific Coast News]

Anonymous

Colon detox will leave you looking and feeling awful for several days. Its worth it though to get rid of all that stuff that is hiding and lurking in your colon.

naturegirl

WHAT A SIGHT I HAVE NEVER SEEM A STINKING DRUNK PIG BEFORE, AND IT NEEDS A SHAVE..... YIKES.

Terren

Sho looks like she just pooped out a fetus

Jurgen R. Brul

Dears friends,

America tried to make Jessica go to Rehab,

Jessica said, no, No, NO!

OUR HEALTH IS IMPORTANT!

So let us NOW make our world a Healthier Place!

Greetings,

Jurgen R. Brul

Gianna

Twinkie withdrawal.. I hear it's brutal.

Anonymous

She went through a colon flushing and detox, and that will take it right out of you. Let someone turn your colon inside out and stretch it around three times a day for a few days and see how you look and feel. That poor girls colan has been through pure hell.

anon

No that was your doctor raping your a-hole but calling it a medical treatment.

anonymous

so what's the excuse for her hair looking like she just finished a gangbang?

Detox and food doesn't do that.

Maplewood

So it wasn't the alcohol, it was an empty stomach inflamed by alcohol, where "inflamed" means "filled with," right?