Al Gore is so screwed

Did Al Gore rape a Portland masseuse? Quite possibly, maybe

Portland Police announced yesterday that they're reopening the sexual assault case against former President-then-not-President-then-President-again-and-then-not-President again Al Gore. Good thing his wife left him earlier this month or he'd be in a heap of shit with her right now. High five! From ABC:

Portland, Oregon, police have decided to reopen the investigation into a 54-year-old masseuse's allegations that former Vice President Al Gore sexually assaulted her in his hotel room in 2006. Massage therapist Molly Haggerty claims Gore "pinned" her and assaulted her.

"The Portland Police Bureau has made the decision to re-open the case regarding the allegations brought forward against Mr. Al Gore," a statement posted on the Portland Police Bureau's website this evening said.

"Consistent with our policy regarding open investigations, the Police Bureau will not be commenting on any additional specifics regarding this case at this time," it said.

A family spokeswoman said today that the Gores welcomed the new investigation.

"Further investigation into this matter will only benefit Mr. Gore," Kalee Kreider said.

Never a good idea when the first line of your statement is so completely fucking ridiculous that it even makes a seasoned, soulless celebrity blogger cringe. Clearly the police reinvestigating rape claims against you could only result in benefit. We should all be so lucky. Continuing . . .

"The Gores cannot comment on every defamatory, misleading, and inaccurate story generated by tabloids. Mr. Gore unequivocally and emphatically denied this accusation when he first learned of its existence three years ago. He stands by that denial."

Oh c'mon. does that look like that face of someone who would rape and terrorize an innocent masseuse? Oh right, I guess it does . . . honestly, I got nothing.

*5 photos total in the gallery:

[WENN]

c

Al Gore? faggot.

Anonymous

He was also boinking larry david's wife.

The unfunny geezer from curb your enthusiasm.

Gianna

From manbearpig to crazed sex poodle.

So this is what he was doing while getting rich off of the global warming scam.

Acemeister

Probably some truth to the allegations - but on the other hand, Gore is the biggest liar (well, maybe second, Obama is feeding the gullible more lies per speech than anyone) of our time. Got rich off of idiots who don't understand how the sun might have cycles - and perpetrated the biggest scams ever.

Just go pay up front for a hooker, you gormless fool!

Whorrible

"You farted?"

Anonymous

That's why the sob put his NINE HOUSES in trust.

Anonymous

Eric, are you being sarcastic?

To think he could have been prez.

I never thought I would miss Bush.

God help us.

Eric

This investigation needs to be stopped in its tracks right now!!! It makes no difference what Mr. Gore might have done. he is to important to prosecute. The nation and THE WORLD need him concentrating on saving us all from global warming. NOT worrying about a trial. Without Mr. Gore we will all die a terrible and slow death from climate change. He must be protected at all costs. He is just to important to our survival as a specis.