Lindsay is so screwed

Paris Hilton at the launch party for MTV's The Hard Times Of RJ Berger at Trousdale nightclub in West Hollywood (6/7)

The National Enquirer could print a story about how Lindsay Lohan started a meth lab in her basement but she doesn’t really know what she’s doing so she’s just sorta mixing random chemicals together and hoping for the best - and I’d still be less worried for her than after reading this story:

Paris Hilton has mended her friendship with Lindsay Lohan and is trying to help the troubled actress get her life back together! The two have had a tumultuous relationship over the years, but pals say the 29-year-old blonde socialite is deeply concerned for her pal and is determined to help her.

"Paris is worried that Lindsay has hit rock bottom and doesn't want something terrible to happen to her," an insider divulged. "She wants to put the past behind them. Paris texted Lindsay, and they've talked. Both she and Paris promised to make a fresh start. Paris definitely understands what Lindsay is going through," said the insider. "She's been to jail and wants Lindsay to get help before she ends there or somewhere worse." (Print Edition - 6/21)

This is exactly what Lindsay needs -- tutelage from Hollywood's most notorious revolving door. It's like Michael Moore getting diet tips from Jabba the Hutt or Lawrence Taylor getting dating advice from Roman Polanski. Besides, wasn't Paris the first one to call Lindsay a "fire crotch"? No, Lindsay needs to be around someone who's a little more stable and respected than Paris -- someone like Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

*22 pics total in the gallery:

[WENN, Mavrixonline]

Anonymous

Totally can't wait for the lesbian sex tape to come out.

Anonymous

They are both nice girls. I am sure Paris can be a big help to Lindsey, thats what good friends are for.

Johnny Eumarr

Greasy Bear--Brandon Davis--first called Lohan fire crotch.

Deano

Warren the ape just got all kinds of herpes being near her.

Jinxy

Paris hates Lindsay, she has for years. There is no love lost for Linds either. Basement, Lindsay lives in a luxury high rise, the basement is the parking structure. Her previous home was in the hollywood hills, no basements there either. People can't really be that dumb can they, a basement in Cali is as rare as hens teeth. Honestly, it's nearly impossible to get the raw materials to even make that crap - does anyone think she couldn't afford to buy meth? Plus based on history and arrests she's a coke girl.

Paul

It was Paris' jail time that turned her life around. While enduring cruel treatment in jail, she underwent a transformation. Since her release she has devoted her life to doing good deeds and helping other people who are less fortunate than her.

Paul's Evil Twin

It was Paris' jail time that turned her life around. While enduring cruel treatment 21 minutes in jail, she underwent a transformation withdrawal symptoms from lack of penis in her mouth. Since her release she has devoted her life to doing good deeds and helping other giving blowjobs to people who are less fortunate than her anybody she meets in a bar.

Paul's Evil Twin

i guess the HTML code for "strike" doesn't work in comments. oh well. shrugs.

Ice T

So let me see if I get this right... Paris spent 21 minutes in a rhinestone and diamond encrusted jail cell in Beverly Hills, so now she's "been to jail". I guess that makes her an ex-con too, huh? Too bad she wasn't there long enough to have to use her Dolce and Gabbana platinum and ruby shiv to defend herself from becoming some bull dyke's bitch at the jail spa/jacuzzi/masseuse area. That would have given her real street cred when she's rollin' up in her boiler in Holmby Hills.

Paul

Ms. Paris is so beautiful in these photos. No wonder she is accounted as one of the most beautiful women of all time. Ms. Paris' offer to help our Linds through her troubled times is just another example of this wonderful woman's selflessness and altruism, Paris is always looking for ways to help other people, and to do good. No wonder she is our National Ambassadour of Nice. Some distant day, the world will remember her as Saint Paris, The Good.