March 2010 NUDE!

Jesse James checks into sex rehab

Jesse James has checked into sex rehab in Arizona to treat his terrible whore addiction. If only they made a patch to help you quit vagina like they do to help you quit smoking. Tough break. From People:

"Jesse checked himself into a treatment facility to deal with personal issues," his rep said in a statement. "He realized that this time was crucial to help himself, help his family and help save his marriage."

While the rep did not specify the type of treatment facility, one source confirms he checked in on March 26, and that it was "100 percent his own idea" - and not the result of an ultimatum from Bullock.

Can we stop already with this sex addiction bullshit? Jesse doesn't have an addiction. He's just an asshole. You know what a sex addict is called? A guy. Seriously, there isn't a part of the day when I'm not thinking about sex. Sex Sex Sex. Even when I'm watching ESPN. "Boy, if that Kobe Bryant had bigger tits, a nicer ass, and a vagina, I'd probably fuck him."

Kissy Kissy

I know that headline's a little vague. "One" could be anything from a pack of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups to a King Size pack of Reese Peanut Butter Cups to a baby. In this case, it's a baby. Wonderful. From the National Enquirer:

Britney Spears and agent Jason Trawick might mend their split before you take you next breath (ed. note: rumor is they're already back together after their recent breakup) because there's still a lotta love there, say insiders -- and the bump in the road that crashed them was Britney's pleas for a Jason-induced baby bump. After endless heart-to-heart discussions, the romance unraveled when he finally put the kibosh on her obsessive desire to birth a baby together. Jason, the showbiz genius who orchestrated Brit's smash "Circus" comeback tour, felt her career was building to even higher heights and pregnancy might bring their well-oiled star-making machine to a grinding halt.

Said an insider: "Jason felt Britney was still learning how to control her life and be a hands-on mom to sons Sean and Jayden. He told her he was in their relationship for the long haul, and there was ample time for a baby once Britney's life was truly on an even keel. But their back-and-forth about a baby generated tension that turned unbearable."

Insanity is defined as "doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results." Next to that definition should be a picture of Britney Spears. Because if her past is any indication, having a baby won't lead Britney to a life filled with warm memories and unbridled happiness -- it'll lead her to the psychiatric ward and child support payments.

Renee Zellweger out and about in Venice, CA (3/15)

Patrizia Riccioni, the mayor of Bracciano, Italy

Odescalchi Castle, where Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes got married in 2006

Yukie Kawamura

Japanese model Yukie Kawamura

Paparazzi photos from Tuesday, March 30

Rachel Bilson out and about in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Ellen Pompeo returning to her home in Los Feliz (pics start here)

Kiefer Sutherland on the set of 24 in downtown L.A. (pics start here)

Mark Wahlberg leaving a pharmacy in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Reese Witherspoon leaving a gym in Santa Monica (pics start here)

Kelly Rutherford (Gossip Girl) out and about in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Carrie Underwood at the Pedigree Adoption Drive in New York (pics start here)

Jerry Lewis leaving Madeo restaurant in Hollywood (pics start here)

John Stamos leaving the Fred Segal boutique in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Josh Duhamel out and about in Santa Monica (pics start here)

John Larroquette on the set of Pleading Guilty in Chicago (pics start here)

Cameron Diaz filming a scene for Bad Teacher in Hollywood (pics start here)

Harry Hamlin and Lisa Rinna leaving Madeo restaurant in Hollywood (pics here)

*154 pics total in the gallery

Charlize Theron going through security at LAX airport (3/17)

+ Facebook causes Syphilis [Drunken Stepfather]

+ Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. [PopEater]
+ Rachel Stevens upskirt pic (NSFW) [TaxiDriverMovie]
+ James Franco might actually be smart [DailyFill]
+ Fat dads should never ride skateboards (funny) [College Humor]

+ This bitch gets to do everything [A Socialite's Life]
+ I didn't know boobs got that big [Double Viking]
+ I love when hot chicks procreate [Celebrity Baby Scoop]
+ Doesn't Jesse like having sex with attractive chicks? [I'm Not Obsessed]

LIST OF THE DAY: 25 Hot Spring Break Girls

Kim Kardashian in Miami (3/28)

The question that goes with the headline is: What broke up Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush? It was Reggie's cheating last week. This week it's Kim's infamous sex tape. From X17:

Reggie Bush ultimately dumped Kim Kardashian because of her 2007 sex tape with then-boyfriend Ray J, a source close to the couple tells X17online exclusively.

According to our source, "Reggie's mom just could not get over the fact that Kim had a sex tape. Reggie and his family are very conservative, and he told Kim that a marriage is never going to happen between them because of the tape." This is something that Kim's family has known for years, especially sisters Khloe and Kourtney.

There's a lesson to be learned here -- especially for those particularly busty young ladies thinking about making a sex tape and leaking it to the web in a desperate grasp for fame. By all means, please do it. Because there is a damn good chance you'll get to date a professional athlete for a few years. Think of all the cool shit he'll buy you! Hooray for sex tapes!

Bruce Willis is good people

I'd like to think if I was famous, I would act exactly like Bruce Willis . . . not the "generous" part, I mean the "nailing hot ass" part. From the National Enquirer:

Good to hear bighearted Bruce Willis still keeps up a tradition he started when he first got big! His "Dollar Day Fridays" are staged every week on the set of his new movie "Red," with Bruce -- who's raking in $10 million dollars for the flick -- tossing $10,000 dollars into a pot that just one lucky crew member will win. Everyone gets a free numbered ticket, and on Fridays, Bruce draws the lucky number and hands 10 grand to a hyperventilating winner. One restriction: Winners can only win once. (National Enquirer print - April 5)

In all seriousness, that's a pretty cool thing for Bruce to do. Of course if he really wanted to be generous, he'd give me and everyone else back the $11.50 we spent at the theater on Cop Out . . . crap, I can't believe I just admitted I actually paid to see that.

Jessica Alba at the 2010 Tribeca Film Celebration held at the W Hotel in Hollywood (2/23)

Jessica Alba has a case of tattoo regret (before and after pics above). She's getting the hideous tattoo on the back of her neck lasered off. According to my vivid imagination, Jessica thinks the tattoo makes her seem "too trashy" -- especially when she wakes up in the middle of the night, changes into a crotchless french maid outfit, and secretly masturbates to me.