February 2010 NUDE!

Don’t click the picture. Just trust me dude, don’t click the picture.

Drugs killed Brittany Murphy 

After Brittany Murphy's final autopsy report was released late yesterday, People.com posted the following headline: "Brittany Murphy Had No Signs of Drug, Alcohol Abuse." Indeed, even Brittany's widow Simon Monjack said he feels vindicated by the report. So what killed her? Fairies? I bet it was fairies. Radar says:

The papers gave a rundown of the prescription drugs Murphy had at her disposal. Under the toxicology section of the papers, a breakdown is given of what drugs were found in her system and where they found them: in her stomach was Propranolol, Hydrocodone, Phenazopyridine, Fluoxetine, Dextromethorphan, Chlorpheniramine, in her urine and in her blood/heart methamphetamines were found.

No illegal drugs were detected in her body.

No signs of drug abuse? Really? Because I'd think that having seven drugs in your system at the time of your death is a pretty big fucking sign. But what do I know, I haven't played doctor in weeks. Here's a little tip for everyone: If you want to stay living, don't mix seven things in your body with names each worth 20 or more points in Scrabble.

Example:

Bread = Good
Phenazopyridine = Bad

English pop star Cheryl Cole at LAX airport (2/22)

+ Lindsay Lohan in her lesbian gear [Drunken Stepfather]

+ Anna Kournikova boob peek [Hollywood Tuna]
+ Ke$ha's ass. Sweet. [The Superficial]
+ Whatsherface wears a sheer dress to movie premiere [Huffington Post]
+ Britney Spears is a fucking mess [IDLYITW]

+ Monica Belluci's boobs are ridiculous [Popoholic]
+ Michael Douglas' son is so fucked [Wonderwall]
+ Why is Bar Refaeli hanging out that dude from Jersey Shore? [moejackson]
+ I think that's code for "not slapping her around" [PopEater]
+ Exercise Ball Faceplant Saves Terrible Video [College Humor]

+ Courtney Love's vagina will tear John Mayer apart [Dlisted]
+ 15 sexy ass tattoos [CityRag]
+ Kellan Lutz is doing his part for society [popbytes]
+ Patti LaBelle wants to whoop some ass [Gabby Babble]

Emanuela de Paula

Brazilian model Emanuela de Paula

Oh Kirstie, you shouldn't have!

Back in May 2009, in an interview with People magazine, Kirstie Alley revealed that she wanted to do the unthinkable with Jamie Foxx:

How's your dating life going?

"I haven't been having sex. I did have dates, but I think I'm worse than I ever was! I want a booty call with Jamie Foxx. For real. I've always had a bit of a thing for him."

Do you feel desirable when you're overweight?

"Do I feel desirable? If Jamie came over I would! Because I feel like he would understand the full-figured woman. I do."

And shockingly, upon hearing the comments, Jamie didn't immediately move to a deserted island in the South Pacific, saying, "I do like them thick (big)... (and) she is thick."

I bring up Kirstie's comments from last year because, in an interview set to air today, Oprah Winfrey had a little surprise for her. From People:

Winfrey reminded the Fat Actress star of the quotes and inquired if she really would love "a booty call from Jamie." Replies Alley: "You know, me and about 3 million other women in the United States."

"Well, you know, that's really great because we have a special relationship, but I don't want a booty call," Winfrey says of her friend, who magically appeared via closed-circuit TV - prompting screams from Alley.

"Kirstie ... with Oprah's permission, I'll be your booty call," Foxx, 42, tells her.

Oh god. Well if these two are going to hook up, they need to take it slow at first. Maybe Jamie can take Kirstie out to Chili's and get some ribs and chicken wings and sliders and some of those jalapeno poppers and maybe some spinach & artichoke dip, mmmm, that's the best. And of course, a few sodas to wash it down. As for what Jamie should order, I don't know, I'm sure he'll find something on the menu he likes. He just better make sure he keeps his food on his half of the table. Reaching over to Kirstie's side is a damn good way to lose a hand.

Jamie Kennedy at The Oaks Gourmet in Los Feliz (2/20)

+ Miley Cyrus and Bret Michaels? [Just Jared]

+ Topless models in GQ UK (NSFW) [Drunken Stepfather]
+ Charlie Sheen might be getting fired [PopEater]
+ Kate Beckinsale goes shopping, looks hot while doing so [Popoholic]
+ Petra Nemcova see through pics (NSFW) [TaxiDriverMovie]

+ Howard Stern organizes beauty pageant for Tiger's mistresses [Cele|bitchy]
+ What your car really says about you [Holy Taco]
+ Seth Green is marrying a model [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]
+ What in the hell? [I'm Not Obsessed]

LIST OF THE DAY: The Seven Best Buddy Cop Movies

Mischa Barton got her car towed

Last week, while high as a motherfucker, Mischa Barton was photographed driving around L.A. in a vintage Cadillac. On Tuesday, the Mischamobile was towed. Damn, that sucks. Getting your car towed is pretty much the second worst thing that can happen to you while high. The first? Getting stabbed to death. I mean, obviously. What'd you think I was going to say, running out of Doritos?

George Clooney and Elisabetta Canalis leaving the Crimson Club in New York (1/11)

George Clooney has been forced to sell his lush mansion on Italy's Lake Como, Villa Oleandra, because it's been overrun by the paparazzi. Gosh, this guy just can't catch a break. From The Times:

Potential buyers of the 18th-century Villa Oleandra at Laglio on Lake Como, which Clooney bought in 2002 for a reported $8 million, include the footballer David Beckham, who plays for AC Milan.

The villa complex, said to be on sale for 20 million euros (£18 million), includes a jetty, a botanical garden, tennis courts and an annexe. A short drive from Milan, Lake Como’s crystal-clear waters and mountain setting have long attracted the rich and famous.

Clooney’s girlfriend, Elisabetta Canalis, a former Italian showgirl and television hostess, was reported to be “furious and exasperated” last summer when the villa was staked out by paparazzi.

When your girlfriend somehow finds a way to complain about your $20 million villa, that's a pretty good sign that you need to dump her ass. Also a good sign? When she steals your credit card and takes the guy she's been cheating on you with to a fancy French restaurant I HATE YOU BITCH!

Kate Bosworth

Kate Bosworth at the Calvin Klein Collection After Party in New York (2/18)

Simon Cowell and Mezhgan Hussainy out and about in Beverly Hills (2/19)

Even though he's on a first-penis basis with half the nine and tens in Hollwyood, Simon Cowell is actually thinking about getting married to his new girlfriend Mezhgan Hussainy. No, Simon. NOOO!!! From the New York Daily News:

Simon Cowell’s mother Julie has been speaking about her joy for her son’s new found love with Afghanistan-born make-up artist Mezhgan Hussainy. Speaking from her Brightonhome, she said:  "I knew it was serious when Simon said he had something important to tell me" reveals Julie, 84. "I asked if it was good or bad and he replies, ‘That depends which way you look at it.’ ‘Just tell me,’ I said. He explained that he had asked Mezhgan to move in with him. Although girlfriends had stayed with him in the past, he had never done that before. This seems to make it official."

"What baffled me most was the complete turnaround in my son," she continues. "He has always insisted, ‘I’m fine as I am, mother. I’m not going to get committed to a marriage and I certainly don’t want children.’ I used to reply, ‘You don’t know, you’ve never had them.’"

But it seems that Julie couldn’t be happier for her son "Now I really think marriage and fatherhood for Simon are going to happen. I would like to see an official engagement, a marriage and yes, then grandchildren. Mezghan is very family orientated, so she is ideal for him" Julie continues.

Can you imagine being married to Simon Cowell? Every day would be filled with nonstop criticisms of your cooking, cleaning, and size of your penis. Frankly, any woman that's willing to put up with that pompous ass should be granted immediate Sainthood . . . and a full bottle of barbituates to quickly put her out of her misery. Let's just hope Mezhgan has what it takes to make this relationship last: 2-dozen XXS t-shirts for when Simon runs out.