Artie Lange tried to kill himself

Howard Stern Show sidekick Artie Lange was hospitalized over the weekend in New Jersey for an undisclosed ailment. Turns out the undisclosed ailment was a knife sticking out of his chest. Artie tried to commit suicide BY STABBING HIMSELF! From the New York Post:
Troubled comic Artie Lange landed in the hospital after stabbing himself nine times in an apparent suicide attempt, sources told The Post. Lange's frantic mom called 911 Saturday morning after she entered his Hoboken apartment and found the bloodied funnyman, a law-enforcement source said. Lange sustained six "hesitation wounds" and three deep plunges. A source close to Lange's management team confirmed that the Howard Stern sidekick stabbed himself, adding that his mother had come to visit him that day to drop off food. Surgeons managed to save Lange despite heavy bleeding.
This is just Artie's luck. Sure it was cool that the doctors saved him, but now he's going to have all these nasty scars across his chest. He can pretty much kiss any future career as an underwear model goodbye. This guy can't catch a break.

  • Thumbnail: Artie Lange Suicide Attempt 1
  • Thumbnail: Artie Lange Suicide Attempt 2
  • Thumbnail: Artie Lange Suicide Attempt 3
  • Thumbnail: Artie Lange Suicide Attempt 4
  • Thumbnail: Artie Lange Suicide Attempt 5
  • Thumbnail: Artie Lange Suicide Attempt 1
  • Thumbnail: Artie Lange Suicide Attempt 2
  • Thumbnail: Artie Lange Suicide Attempt 3
  • Thumbnail: Artie Lange Suicide Attempt 4
  • Thumbnail: Artie Lange Suicide Attempt 5
[Mavrixonline]
  • kaneesia

    STOOPID FAT BASTARD PLS GVE ME UR BANK ACCOUNT SO THAT I CAN SUPPORT ME AND MY FAMILY....B/C U AND ALL THE OTHER IDIOTS WHO ARE 2 STOOPID 2 C THAT DRUGS KILL ACTUALLY LET ME GET EVERY STOOPID M.F IN THE LAST 4 DECADES $$$$ WHO TRY OR DID KILL THEMSELVES.....UGHHHHHHH

  • Fecal Count

    I just hope that Artie realized his own girth and used the appropriate knife!

  • Hunk Golden

    For the record, not one of those cheap shots was funny. If you're gonna be classless and make fun of a guy as disturbed as Artie Lange, at least take the time to think of something clever.

  • Litsa

    All this guy needs to do is run up a flight of stairs.

    He'd have a cardiac arrest by the 4th step.

  • Elliott Smith's Ghost

    Not impressed.

  • j m

    hes the new 50 cent 9 times. For a second i though his right thumb was his junk or he was joking as though it was his junk

  • Melly's bff

    Someone tell this fat fuck loser that there is this device called a gun. it would have made it a lot easier on everyone if he used this instead of a butter knife.

    All this gutless fucker did is draw attention to himself and be admitted to a loony ward because he couldnt go through with killing himself.

  • dxmanners

    The great majority of us can't imagine having such demons-no joke.

  • PAZUZU

    Too true. I'm always joking around on this site but all jokes aside; my sisters husband killed himself 4 years ago leaving my sister and his 4 year old son behind. He shot himself and my sister found him. Even though this guy didn't succeed believe me when I say thay somewhere out there are some family members of his going through shit beyond belief.

  • j m

    For a second i thought arties right thumb was either his junk or he was joking as if it was his junk

  • Anon

    Holy sh!t...stabbed himself NINE times! DAMN!

    I do hope he gets the help he needs.

  • v4vendetta14

    He should have just continued to eat himself to death. Meatballs and Zitti, or a knife to the chest.

    You have to respect his commitment. He didn't take the hot bath and slit his wrists, like a chick. He went out like a psycho killer...

    IMO, pills are a much easier way to go; see Britney Murphy and Heath Ledger.

  • i hate melly

    Stay classy? Look whos talking... I really think you should just go fuck yourself..

  • Anonymous

    No go fuck yourself and do it with Artsie.

  • Melly

    I like how getting "told" takes zero creativity or brainpower! Further, it includes no actual retort. Stay classy!

    Artie stopped being funny years ago. If he wants to fill his body with enough barbiturates to kill an elephant, that's fine with me. Just don't be surprised when shit like this happens.

  • laney

    Melly,

    Even tho u got told, Im gonna tell you again...GO FUCK YOURSELF.



    Back to to the cool people.

    I had a friend who was depressed and he stabbed himself too! It freaked me out, cops told me it is quite common in suicide. YIKES.

    Sorry to his family and Artie, he is going to have to live with his same depression AND more pain because of this attempt. More shame...that sucks!

    HANG IN THERE ARTY. Hold on and you will come out of this fog you are in:)

    Best wishes Artie:)

  • PAZUZU

    Why is Grim LardAssian wearing a beard?

  • hey

    hey melly... go fuck yourself

  • Melly

    First!

    This guy is a waste of space.


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