Jon Gosselin made a sex tape

You knew it was only a matter of time. Jon Gosselin made a sex tape. Oh yeah, and apparently he's a cokehead. He should move to Hollywood. He'll fit right in. From the National Enquirer:

Jon's bodyguard Thomas Meinelt . . .

Wow, it only took four words for me to start shaking my head in disbelief. Jon, you're not the President or Whitney Houston. You don't need a bodyguard.

has been subpoenaed to testify in TLC's lawsuit against Jon, and The ENQUIRER has learned Meinelt claims he saw Jon snort cocaine many times, and that he's watched Jon's secret sex tape!

"Tom told me that Jon was secretly videotaped having sex with a woman in Los Angeles in October, and he's seen the tape!" said Stephanie Santoro, Jon's former flame and family nanny. "Tom said people close to Jon put a camera in his hotel room, and paid a girl to flirt with Jon and have sex with him. He also told me that he saw Jon snort cocaine on more than one occasion, and that the more Jon got into partying, the more cocaine he used!"

So it's John having sex with another woman? OK, whew. I assumed the tape was shot a few years ago and featured Kate nailing a whimpering Jon in the ass with a huge black strap-on. You think I'm kidding? Just watch this clip of Kate verbally undressing Jon. You're high if you think he wasn't left in tears after every time they had sex.

[Mavrixonline]