November 2009 NUDE!


Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren leaving a gym in Miami in 2007

I'm sure you've heard by now that there was some drama at the Woods household early Friday morning. To make a long story short, Tiger's wife Elin went nuts after reading this National Enquirer report that Tiger allegedly cheated on her with "New York city party girl" Rachel Uchitel. She scratched Tiger's face up, he attempted to flee in his Escalade, Elin gave chase with a golf club smashing up the Escalade, and then Tiger hit a fire hydrant and tree. And then Boss Hogg tried to set up a road block, but them Duke Boys jumped right over it. Right over it! The end. Now for the ridiculousness. Windermere, FL, police chief Daniel Saylor (who must be really close friends with Tiger; that or he's a moron) offers up this explanation for the golf club damage on the Escalade:
"When [Windermere police] got there, he was laying in the street," Saylor told PEOPLE. "His wife had broken out the back window with a golf club to get into the vehicle and pull him out."

Saylor did not know how Nordegren managed to pull her husband out, but she was determined to do so. "She used two golf clubs," Saylor says. "She bent one and used another one."
You heard that right. The 125-pound Swedish model smashed through the back window of the Escalade and pulled her 200-pound husband to safety. This despite the fact the Escalade has doors. And they still worked after the accident (see pics here, here, and here).

Of course Tiger's backing up the story on his website. He posted this statement yesterday:
This situation is my fault, and it's obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I'm human and I'm not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn't happen again.

This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way. Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible.

The only person responsible for the accident is me. My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false.
If you believe Tiger's version of the events, the obvious question is why was he racing out of his house at 2:30 in the morning? Answer: $9.99 Performance Fleece Pullovers at Old Navy. Tiger would be crazy to pass up such a deal. Clearly he was trying to beat the rush of all the other Black Friday shoppers.

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NSFW!

Don’t click the picture. Just trust me dude, don’t click the picture.


Oprah Winfrey at the gala screening of Precious at the Toronto International Film Festival (9/13)

Using the morning to catch up on stuff I wanted to post on Thursday but the [Wild] Turkey prohibited me from doing so. According to the National Enquirer, the real reason Oprah is quitting her talk show in 2011 is so she can spend more time with her "friend" Gayle. Aw, how sweet. "Guy Who Can't Take A Hint" thinks they must be really really close friends. From the tabloid:
The move will also mark the end of Oprah's longtime relationship with Stedman Graham, sources say, as the 55-year-old media mogul focuses her attention on grooming Gayle for her own talk show on the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) and other projects for the two of them. As part of her plan, Oprah intends to move Gayle into "The Promised Land," her sprawling 42-acre estate in Montecito, Calif., which she's told pals will be her primary residence.

"Now that she's giving up her talk show, Oprah sees no reason to stay in Chicago," said a TV insider close to Winfrey. "She was planning on making the transition to the Southern California area anyway, for the sake of her Oprah Winfrey Network. She and Gayle have a number of good friends in the Santa Barbara area, and they feel like it's home. They both love it there."

Oprah's move to California with Gayle, 54, will also mark the end of her relationship with 58-year-old Stedman, the public relations and marketing executive she began dating in May 1986.
Wait a minute, Oprah really named her estate "The Promised Land"? Was her goal to confuse it with a lesbian theme park? I guess cooler names like "The Beaver's Den" and "Six Flags Vagina Mountain" were already taken. Oprah ending up with a woman really shouldn't be that much of a surprise. When you're a loud-mouthed fat chick you really don't have much of a choice.*
 
*See: O'Donnell, Rosie; Etheridge, Melissa; and Aiken, Clay

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Kate Hudson out and about in Santa Monica (11/23)

+ The Transformers crew still hates Megan Fox [The Superficial]

+ Kimberly Stewart's useless ass in jeans [Drunken Stepfather]
+ Those WhIte House crashers might be on Real Housewives [OK! Magazine]
+ Justin Timberlake still nailing Jessica Biel [Wonderwall]
+ Marisa Millers legs are OHMYFUCKINGGODHOT! [IDLYITW]

+ Grade "A" boobs ogling [College Humor]
+ Shakira in a tight sexy dress. Sweet! [Hollywood Tuna]
+ Rihanna is all pointy and stuff [moejackson]
+ Twilight fans get punked [Popoholic]

+ If celebrities were on 'roids... [CityRag]
+ Miranda Kerr is classy pretty [A Socialite's Life]
+ Miley skanks it up on her birthday [Yeeeah!]
+ A little something for the ladies [popbytes]

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Carla Ossa

Colombian model Carla Ossa

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Rihanna performing on ABC's Good Morning America in Times Square (11/24)

Rihanna's attention-whoring antics and I would like wish you and yours and Happy Thanksgiving. Celebslam will back as soon as I get out of the drunk tank, either Sunday or Monday. Meanwhile, in a shameless attempt to generate pageviews, here's a list of posts I'm particularly thankful for this holiday season:

Eva Amurri is still topless, still awesome
Rihanna has great taste in fashion
Joanna Krupa does Playboy
Miranda Kerr is topless
Jessica Alba has an ass
Keeley Hazell is awesome
Eva Herzigova sure is purty
Naomi Campbell is good at modeling
Three supermodels enter a bar . . .
Oh hi Eva Mendes
Nip slips for cancer
Heidi Klum is all messy
Tila will not stand for this!
Oh hi Claire Danes
Cheryl Burke is see through
Oh hi Shauna
Natalia Vodianova is photogenic
Julie Benz is sorta see through
Shauna Sand is exposed

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Ashlee Simpson and her son Bronx at Dragon Book in L.A. (11/20)

+ Forgotten celebrity Playboy spreads [PopEater]

+ Katie Couric is shitfaced, dancing [The Superficial]
+ Lisa Rinna posts a picture of herself without makeup. Yikes. [IDLYITW]
+ The most disturbing thing you'll see all day (SFW) [College Humor]
+ That's a man, baby [Drunken Stepfather]

+ Roman Polanski granted bail. Ridiculous. [Wonderwall]
+ This is pretty much the worst outfit ever [Hollywood Tuna]
+ Jude Law looking mighty gay [Dlisted]
+ More makeup than a clown [moejackson]

+ The Pussycat Dolls are no more [The Blemish]
+ Vote on Victoria's Secret's next model [CityRag]
+ That's not how you're supposed to dress for a business meeting [Double Viking]
+ Cheryl Cole is beautiful people [Derek Hail]

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Carol del Lama

Brazilian model Carol del Lama

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Katie Holmes jogging in Boston (10/4)

It was revealed yesterday that Katie Holmes is the worst kind of person alive: a movie talker. Boooo!!! Hissss!!! You suck Katie!!! From Fox News:
Eyewitnesses tell Fox411 that Katie and a group of her girlfriends stopped by a movie theater near her Manhattan apartment Saturday to catch the latest installment of the “Twilight” series “New Moon” where they proceeded to ruin the film for moviegoers.

“Katie came into the movie theater with two of her girlfriends in a great mood,” sources tell Fox411. “They bought tickets in advance to see ‘New Moon’ like all the rest of the Twihards. They checked out the snacks and then they took their seats and kept talking.”

All that would have seemed rather normal, except for the fact that they kept on gabbing throughout the entire film!

“Katie talked through all of ‘New Moon.’ It was unbelievable - they talked nonstop about the movie and everything else. Some people wanted to tell them to be quiet, but when they realized who it was, they stayed silent. No one wanted to shush Katie.”
Those poor moviegoers never had a chance. The only way to shut Katie Holmes up is to have her stand next to Tom Cruise. Besides, anyone watching that movie probably didn't go to hear the dialogue -- they went to watch a bunch of sexually-confused Abercrombie & Fitch male models mope around for 90 minutes without their shirts on . . . which coincidentally is exactly what Katie would have seen if she hadn't left the house.

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Jessica Simpson outside the Ken Paves Salon in West Hollywood (11/20)

+ Aubrey O'Day goes a little too far on Twitter (NSFW) [Drunken Stepfather]

+ You know Zac Efron is totally hitting that [PopEater]
+ Christina Lakin looks awesome in a bikini [Holy Taco]
+ A little something for the ladies [Just Jared]
+ More from the alleged Tila Tequila sex tape (NSFW) [TaxiDriverMovie]

+ Sexiest Indiana Jones EVER [Popoholic]
+ Mya looks drunk [moejackson]
+ Kim Kardashian forgot to be thankful for her sex tape [Litely Salted]
+ Ali Lohan finally dresses her age [Cele|bitchy]

LIST OF THE DAY: 16 naked celebrities

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Would You Rather?

Would You Rather...? Spend one night with: