A rose? For me? You shouldn't have!

Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shocking nu-nu-nu-nu-news about R Ku-Ku-Ku-Ku-Ku-Ku-Kelly. He can't read. Frow Showbiz Spy:
R. Kelly has been harboring a secret all these years — he’s illiterate. The Ignition hitmaker says that despite his musical talents, he can’t read and barely made it through grade school.

"When I was trying to make it out here, I already knew, and I was stubborn about it," he said. "I don’t even read really and I’m not afraid to say that. My cousins and brothers used to tease me ‘you can’t even read right. How you think you’re going to come up?’ The only reason I graduated from grammar school is because I had a great jump shot. I went to high school and [my teacher] told me ‘you will be one of the greatest writers of all time.’ I believed. You [have to] believe it. You can’t believe [anything] if you’re hating. You can’t achieve [anything] if you’re hating."
Describing yourself as "one of the greatest writers of all time" when you can't even read is pretty ballsy. That's like Rosie O'Donnell claiming to be Ms. Universe or Fox News claiming they're "Fair and Balanced." Of course, Kelly's illiteracy may finally explain why he *cough*allegedly*cough* had sex with an underage girl -- he couldn't read her driver's license. At least now I don't feel so bad about all the times I've bashed him on this blog (see here here and here): he's never read it.

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  • stuttering steve

    It's interesting that you make fun of his illiteracy and in the very first sentence expose the shallowness of your own intelligence. "Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shocking" is what someone with a stutter, like me, might sound like, not someone who can't read the word. I'm not offended by your ignorance, just thought I'd let you know that you're an idiot.

  • Jim

    You're all right you crazy americans :)

  • Jennifer

    And you get the built-in-white-privilege that causes many white people to sound like town nutters when discussing issues relating to race.

  • metromediasquare.com

    Fucking pissing pedophile. Roman Polanski's BIGGEST strike against him was that he wasn't born in the U.S.; being Black would have helped, too.

  • Anonymous

    Umm, there is a huge difference between Polanski and Kelly.

    Polanski took a 13 year old girl, lured her to a friend's house under false pretenses, got her drunk, then drugged her with Quaaludes and proceeded to rape her both vaginally and anally while she said "No" over and over and cried. He was also convicted.

    Kelly had sex with 14 year old, which is bad, but I've never heard anything to suggest it wasn't consensual. Legally speaking, a 14 year old can't consent, but that doesn't make it the same thing. He was also found innocent, after he said it wasn't him and the parent's of the girl said it wasn't her.

    To equate these two things is grossly unfair to Kelly and fails to acknowledge the Polanski's truly reprehensible act.

  • Anonymous

    You forgot to mention that Kelly pissed on the 14 year old girl and filmed it. That turns him on. That isn't reprehensible?

  • Anonymous

    Idiot, the girl polanski 'raped' didn't even want to press charges against him.

  • Lloyd Johnson

    Oh yes being black KEEPS people out of jail.

  • metromediasquare.com

    R. Kelly, Chris Brown, Michael Jackson (twice), O.J. Simpson (the 1st time).

    Plus, you get the built-in Blacks-paying-the-race-card support.


    No shock there. Rapper/HipHop = Illiterate. You know what I'm sayin', you know what I'm sayin, you know what I'm sayin,,,etc..

  • Anonymous

    um, he's not a rapper.

  • v4vendetta14

    Ha HA!!! That is a perfect impression of the Rap\Hip-Hop today!!!

  • riley-o

    absolutely. it's amazing how rap has survived for 30+ years when the only lyrics they've used so far are "you know what i'm sayin'" over and over again.

    i'm surprised no one pointed it out before, it's so obvious now...

  • lolz

    Oh. Haha. The typical rappers-are-illiterate quip. Except that, as someone else pointed out, R. Kelly isn't a rapper, and the top 40 hiphop of today doesn't reflect real rap. There are some really intelligent rappers out there that will blow your mind with their wordplay.

    In conclusion (or to put it more eloquently): shut the hell up, you ignorant fuck.

  • cstack

    Kelly aint did nothing that aint been done before except took a video back in the 70's and probaly even now there was a bunch of young girls running thru the hood giving it up like there was no tomorrow. Yeah I got my issue .

  • Average Joe

    "Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shocking nu-nu-nu-nu-news about R. Ku-Ku-Ku-Ku-Ku-Ku-Kelly."


  • Mixmaster

    Cruel, but hilarious

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