October 2009 NUDE!

Cassie Sumner bikini pics!

English model and WAG Cassie Sumner in Marbella, Spain (June 2007)

Bar Refaeli is rather attractive

The new Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is still about four months away. To help us get through the lean masturbatory months of November through Feburary, SI repackaged a bunch of old bikini pics, slapped a hard cover on it, and released it under the name The Explorers Edition. Wow, yippee, old bikini pics -- hardly worth the time it takes to draw a bath with scented sea salts and rose petals and beat off to the romantic flickering candle light. You know . . . if you were into that sorta thing.

The Jonas Brothers outside the Ed Sullivan Theater in New York (6/11)

Note to teen and pre-teen girls: The Jonas do not want your homemade crap. They want your money. From oceanUP:

Girls have been waiting outside the Four Seasons in Toronto for over a month. They will take pictures with the Jonas Brothers, and even GIVE THEM 'GIFTS'. Yesterday, a maid from the hotel came out with a few bags COMPLETELY FILLED with stuff she gathered that the Jonas clan left behind in their hotel rooms. She was showing the girls what she had found.

One of the girls was waiting outside the hotel when the maid came out. She dug into the bag and found a hand sketched picture of Kevin Jonas that SHE SKETCHED for him, earlier this month, and GAVE TO KEVIN AS A GIFT! She asked the maid where she found it, and she said 'the trashcan in one of the Jonas' hotel rooms'.

This story sounds pretty brutal until you realize that this young lady learned a very valuable lesson from this whole experience that she'll be able to build on for the next band she wants to be a groupie for: If you really want to impress a rock star, don't give him a present from your heart -- give him a present from your pants. For example, my mom gave Mick Jagger herpes. Oops, there I go airing family secrets again.

NSFW!

Don’t click the picture. Just trust me dude, don’t click the picture.

Charlize Theron

Charlize Theron at the 13th Annual Hollywood Film Festival Awards Gala Ceremony held at the Beverly Hilton Hotel (10/26)

Angelina Jolie at the premiere of Inglourious Basterds at Grauman's Chinese Theatre in Hollywood (8/10)

"I nailed Angelina Jolie and her mom." Wow, that might be the coolest thing a guy has ever said. From X17:

Andrew Morton, the controversial biographer of Princess Diana and Monica Lewinsky, has written an explosive new biography about Angelina Jolie, claiming that she slept with her mother [Marcheline Bertrand's] live-in lover when she was just 16.

"Marcheline had a live-in boyfriend whom she was very much in love with, but Ange slept with him when she was 16 and barely out of school," a source tells Now Magazine. Marcheline broke up with herboyfriend when she found out the truth, but it caused a rift between mother and daughter that took several years to repair.

"When Ange admitted the story to her brother James just a few weeks ago, even he turned on her," the source says. "She has hardly anyone left in life who likes or trusts her."

It's easy to understand why Marcheline was so upset over the whole incident -- how could she possibly compete with a 16-year-old lolita like Angelina Jolie? That's like putting Webster up against LeBron James in a game of one-on-one. I'm sure we can all agree on one thing: the real monster here is the boyfriend for taking advantage of such a young girl not taking pictures.

Kate Gosselin signing books at the 2009 California Women's Conference in Long Beach (10/26)

If you waited in line Monday for Kate Gosselin to sign your copy of Multiple Blessings: Surviving to Thriving with Twins and Sextuplets, congratulations, I fucking hate you.

Kim Kardashian shopping at Burberry in Beverly Hills (10/23)

+ Marisa Miller and her $3 million boobs [Hollywood Tuna]

+ Irina Sheik shooting some new Victoria's Secret stuff. Hot! [The Superficial]
+ Chris Brown is pathetic [Wonderwall]
+ Amanda Heard looking ridiculously hot in FHM [Drunken Stepfather]
+ AnnaLynne McCord's sister looks like a dude [IDLYITW]

+ Paula Abdul's cleavage is almost as bad as Tori Spelling's [OK! Magazine]
+ Here come the slutty Halloween costumes! [College Humor]
+ Olivia Wilde sideboob [Popoholic]
+ Mel B goes Triple XXX [A Socialite's Life]

+ Andre Agassi admits that he used to do meth [Dlisted]
+ Tan lines are fun [Double Viking]
+ The Lingerie Football League is a very good thing [Busted Coverage]
+ Kiwi teacher in hot water over naked pics [Attuworld]

Amber Le Bon

British model Amber Le Bon

Lindsay Lohan leaving the Rock The Kasbah gala at Vibiana in L.A. (10/26)

Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom aren't the only ones with new tattoos. Lindsay Lohan showed off her new ink last night while leaving the Rock the Kasbah gala in L.A. It reads:

"Stars, all we ask for is our right to twinkle"

I know, lame. Lindsay's actually scheduled to get another tattoo on her upper back this Saturday:

"If found face down in a pool of my own vomit, please prop me up against the nearest wall - Thanks"

How practical.