September 2009 NUDE!

Mayra Suarez

Mexican model Mayra Suarez

Paris Hilton leaving Maxfield in West Hollywood (9/18)

+ Dancer flashes her vagina on National TV [Drunken Stepfather]

+ The dumbest football play OF ALL TIME [College Humor]
+ Jessica Alba is a little focker [Just Jared]
+ Anna Friel panty peek [TaxiDriverMovie]
+ Lil' Kim underboob [moejackson]

+ This would be the hottest lesbian hook-up EVER [Popoholic]
+ Whoopi Goldberg defends Roman Polanski against rape [IDLYITW]
+ This chick needs to have her uterus ripped out [Webster's Is My Bitch]
+ Did A-Rod knock up Kate Hudson? [Cele|bitchy]

LIST OF THE DAY: Top 25 Hottest Anime Chicks

Paris and Nicky Hilton leaving the HD Vision Broadcast Center in Studio City (6/12)

I hope Paris and Nicky Hilton didn't buy Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom a gift before their wedding. It would have been sort of awkward since the two never got invited. Ouch. From Betty Confidential:

They were BFFs growing up, but neither Nicky Hilton nor her sister, Paris, was invited to Khloe Kardashian’s wedding on Sunday.

We caught up with Nicky over the weekend as she celebrated her 26th birthday a few days early at Dusk nightclub at Caesar’s Palace in Atlantic City, NJ. While the Hiltons and Kardashians were friends growing up, these days, it seems they’ve grown apart. "I wasn’t invited to Khloe’s wedding this weekend," Nicky admitted, "but if I had been, I would have stuck to ordering her a gift off her registry - it’s always the way to go. None of our family was invited to the wedding."

Well at least Nicky would have ordered a gift off the registry. If Paris was invited, there is a 100% chance she would have given Khloe and Lamar a DVD box set of The Simple Life and an autographed picture of herself.

Anna Kournikova bikini pictures!

Anna Kournikova in St. Bart's (Jan. 2007)

Kanye West and Amber Rose leaving The Cleveland Show premiere party held at Capitol City in Hollywood (9/22)

Shocking news about Kanye West: Turns out he hasn't learned his lesson from the infamous Taylor Swift incident and he's still a complete fucking jackass. From Janet Charlton's Hollywood:

Kanye West made a fool of himself again Saturday night at Common’s benefit concert at The Palladium in Hollywood. Here’s the story: Kanye arrived minutes before he was set to go onstage as the last act of a star-studded charity show. Besides Common, Nas, Ludacris, Mos Def, De La Soul, Heavy D, Queen Latifah, and other acts had delighted the crowd.

They were all relaxing in the green room when Kanye walked in and noticed a guy eating chicken. He took offense and blurted petulantly “Why wasn’t I offered chicken? It’s NOT FAIR- you want me to perform for free - everyone is eating - WHY AM I NOT EATING!” A waiter apologized and pointed out “You didn’t ask for chicken!” -- "Well, I’m ASKING NOW!!"

Other celebrities watched Kanye’s loud chicken tantrum in total shock. His girlfriend Amber Rose just stepped back and let him rant. The waiter rushed him a plate of chicken and Kanye literally took ONE bite and dumped it before he grabbed the mic and went onstage, leaving everyone shaking their heads.

Everyone should just lay off Kanye for a second and actually give him some credit. At least with this outburst he had the good sense to only make a jackass out of himself in front of a few dozen people and not a few million. Besides, there's a perfectly good explanation for why Kanye enjoys whining and throwing tantrums like a five-year-old: both wear the same size clothing.

Randy Quaid's mug shot

In addition to "San Ysidro Ranch," you can add "IRS" to the list of who Randy Quaid owes money to. From the Detroit News:

Actor Randy Quaid, who is being sought by California authorities for reportedly stiffing a hotel, has a history of delinquent bills. The IRS has filed tax liens against him totaling more than $1.16 million in recent years, records show.

Quaid, 58, star of "National Lampoon's Vacation," also filed Chapter 7 bankruptcy in January 2000 in Los Angeles. At the time, he was raking in more than $83,000 a month, according to court records. Among his creditors...wait for it...The Carlyle Hotel.

What's owed:

• The IRS filed a $229,886 lien against Quaid on Oct. 12, 2004, in the Los Angeles County Recorder of Deeds office.
• The IRS filed a $933,789 lien against Quaid on May 5, 2004, in Los Angeles.

How does a guy make more than $83,000 a month and still have to file for bankruptcy? Outside of Hollywood, most people can live off a million a year without going broke. For example, with some careful financial planning, here's a breakdown of what my monthly budget would look like if I were making that much money:
 
- Food: $500
- Rent: $1900
- Strippers: $50,000
- Stripper Related Expenses:
     - Handy Wipes: $100
- Prostitutes: $30,000
- Prostitute Related Expenses:
     - Rags: $75
     - Chloroform: $125
     - Rope: $75
     - Shovel: $25
     - Lye: $200

\ Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel out and about in New York (3/8)

Us Weekly is claiming that Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel split up. The two have been dating since early 2007. From the magazine:

A mutual pal of the pair tells Us Weekly that Timberlake, 28, has told friends, "it's over," and that he ended it for good — over the phone.

"It was about a month ago," the pal says.

While he was in NYC in September to show his William Rast clothing line at Fashion Week, "Justin was clearly on the hunt," the pal tells Us Weekly. At a club September 9, he dirty-danced with a tall blonde in a short black dress. At one point, she turned to her friend and mouthed, 'Oh, my God!'

Meanwhile, Biel, 27, is in "severe denial and won't accept" the split, their mutual pal tells Us Weekly.

Another source says, "There's no way of knowing if it's a firm breakup, because with them it's so hot and cold."

Justin and Jessica were spotted together leaving a restaurant last night in Napa Valley, California, leading many to question Us Weekly's report. My crazy theory: Justin really likes hot no-commitment blow jobs. I know, what a reach.

Kate Beckinsale

Kate Beckinsale shopping in Pacific Palisades (9/25)

NSFW!

Don’t click the picture. Just trust me dude, don’t click the picture.

Audrina Patridge and Stephanie Pratt out and about in Beverly Hills (9/25)

Time for the annual rundown of who makes what on The Hills. You might want to be sitting down for this. Numbers courtesy of The Daily Beast:

• Audrina Patridge: $100k/episode
• Lo Bosworth: $100k/episode
• Heidi Montag: $100k/episode
• Kristin Cavallari: $90k/episode
• Spencer Pratt: $65k/episode
• Brody Jenner: $45k/episode

Season 5 of The Hills (broken down into two parts) is 20 episodes. Audrina Patridge, master of the blank stare and phrase "um," is making $2 million this year. I will now roll my college degree up and beat myself to death with it. I think that's really the only proper response here.