Humble as usual

Paris Hilton leaving The Grill in Beverly Hills (8/19)

Paris Hilton left quite the surprise for Doug Reinhardt before she left for an acting job in Vancouver last week. Oh, did I say surprise? I meant horrible, horrible nightmare. From E! Online:

Now that P's out of Doug's eyesight, she's found a way to absolutely guarantee he doesn't forget about her again—not for a friggin' millisecond, folks.

So in what totally outlandish way did Paris accomplish this?

Says a superclose amigo to Hilton: Before jet-setting to Vancouver, Paris had her team pay a visit to D.R.'s house, bringing over life-size photos of herself to hang throughout the mansion. And we don't exactly think she got Dougie's permission! Talk about an extreme home makeover.

Certainly not entirely self-minded, P.H. managed to frame a few pictures of the two of them as well, hamming it up for the camera in all sorts of ridiculous kissy-kissy poses. P's crew hung them all over chez Reinhardt for all houseguests to gawk at

Doug doesn't need life-size photos of Paris hung on his walls to remind him of what he's missing while she's out of town. He needs to light his genitals on fire and douse them with salt. If Doug knows what's best for him, while Paris is away, he'll try to find himself another lady that isn't quite as vain as she is. Luckily, doing so shouldn't be too difficult -- all he has to do is avoid Tyra Banks.

[Mavrixonline]

BRANDON M. WITTE

PARIS HILTON HAS INJECTED COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF FEMALE HORMONES INTO ME. THIS HAS CAUSED ME TO GROW SMALL BUT NOTABLE BREASTS. I NOW ALSO LACTATE CONSTANTLY.

ALSO, EVERYTIME I TRY TO DO A SEARCH FOR PARIS HILTON VIA GOOGLE, MY TOILET FLUSHES UNTIL IT FLOODS AND THE SONG "TAINTED LOVE" PLAYS FROM THE TOILET BOWL. THIS IS DUE TO VARIOUS ELECTRONIC DEVICES IMPLANTED INTO VERY SENSITIVE PLACES OF MY ANATOMY, ALONG WITH OTHER DEVICES IMPLANTED INTO MY HOME.

SINCERELY, BRANDON M. WITTE

ARLINGTON, TEXAS

AGE: 33

lame self promotion above

BRANDON M. WITTE- you are an idiot

BRANDON M. WITTE

PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR FEDERAL CRIMES COMMITTED. THESE INCLUDE HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES COMMITTED AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS DURING THE MONTHS OF NOVEMBER 2007, DECEMBER 2007, AND JANUARY 2008.

FOR MORE INFORMATION, TRY DOING A GOOGLE SEARCH WITH MY NAME (BRANDON M. WITTE) WITH THE NAMES: PARIS HILTON, RICK HILTON, AND NICKY HILTON.

THE WEB SITE PARIS HILTON ASKMEN.COM ALSO CONTAINED MUCH OF THIS INFORMATION.

SINCERELY, BRANDON M. WITTE

ARLINGTON, TEXAS

AGE: 33

ALSO, PARIS HILTON HAS OFFICIALLY BEEN REMOVED FROM GOOGLE'S NEW PROMPTING SYSTEM (WHEREUPON WHEN YOU TYPE IN THE FIRST LETTERS OF A PERSON'S NAME AND THE REST OF THE NAME COMES UP ALONG WITH OTHER CHOICES BEFORE YOU CLICK ON "SEARCH."

diana

I am betting for her to get the Razzies this time. She might won again. Go Paris

ElizabethM

I totally want that dress. I can't believe I want anything Paris would wear but I. want. that. dress.

Mr. Ed

Don't talk about My Tyra! We'll be together as soon as the restraining order is lifted.

JD

Having to wake up and see pictures of her sounds like either a horror movie or a whore movie or both.

Rick

What is that big honker on her chin??????????