FHM readers are retarded

Somehow Heidi Montag cracked the Top 10 of "FHM's 100 Sexiest Women in the World 2009." According to the magazine, ten million votes were cast by readers worldwide. The Top 10:
10. Katy Perry
Big boobs doesn't make you the tenth hottest woman in the world. The only "Top 10" list Katy belongs to is the "Top 10 Chicks Who Look Like Blow-Up Dolls."
9. Anne Hathaway
Vote breakdown for Anne: 99% women, 1% men. Anne is one of those non-threatening women that chicks like to say is hot because they think it makes them seem cooler to their guy friends.
8. Heidi Montag
Ridiculous. I can think of ten things in my bathroom right now that I would rather have sex with. Being on TV a lot doesn't make you hot. For example, I would never fuck Al Roker.
7. Elisha Cuthbert
In 2004 maybe. Is it 2004? *checks calendar* -- No.
6. Adriana Lima
Finally, someone who belongs in the Top 10. Congratulations FHM readers, you're 1 for 5 so far. In conclusion. FHM readers are all gay.
5. Madeline Zima
Who? I have to have masturbated to you at least once for you to make this list.
4. Jessica Biel
See comments for Anne Hathaway, only the complete opposite. Go up to a random woman on the street and ask her how she feels about Jessica. There is a very good chance the words "fucking" "kill" and "bitch" will be uttered.
3. Scarlett Johansson
Reputation pick. I'd feel more comfortable about Scarlett at 3 if she didn't just start working with Madonna's personal trainer (see here). I fully expect her to look like Mr. Universe by this time next year.
2. Jessica Alba
2 for 9 so far FHM readers. Just admit you like guys.
1. Megan Fox
I think the hottest thing about Megan is that she seems so dumb. I'm almost positive that I could somehow trick her into giving me a BJ within 10 minutes of meeting her. "I swear it tastes like candy."

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  • Legend

    I blame the Iranian President for this one.

  • Acemeister79

    No wonder FHM U.S. went under - with idiotic pics like this... To look at Megan Fox you have to look through 3 pounds of makeup and 3 ounces of ink. She did one thing "right" though - got the silicone very early on so the excessively firm but perfectly formed hooters "could have been a late teen growth spurt"... Ha - I said spurt :)

  • JJ

    Um are we sure this wasnt actually a hottest horses list? Which even then Montag wouldn't crack the top 10

  • DMZ

    You have got to be shitting me!! This whiny, self-centered, moronic bitch sexy? Are these voters visually impaired or just a bunch of PC hacks? How much did she pay FHM to get her on the list? If this or some of their other choices are what they really think them I have just sworn of FHM, they SUCK!!!

  • v4vendetta14

    That girl doesn't belong out of the house without a team of makeup experts.

  • Phooey640

    Cindy Crawford still belongs on the list.

  • Emmeth

    Finally someone who agrees with me concerning Megan Fox. To me, she is a normal girl, with an average body (and breast-implants).

    Elisha Cuthbert, however, i think is damn sexy. She does belong on top10 of a 100 Sexiest Women list. Or at least inside top20.

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