FHM readers are retarded

Somehow Heidi Montag cracked the Top 10 of "FHM's 100 Sexiest Women in the World 2009." According to the magazine, ten million votes were cast by readers worldwide. The Top 10:
10. Katy Perry
Big boobs doesn't make you the tenth hottest woman in the world. The only "Top 10" list Katy belongs to is the "Top 10 Chicks Who Look Like Blow-Up Dolls."
9. Anne Hathaway
Vote breakdown for Anne: 99% women, 1% men. Anne is one of those non-threatening women that chicks like to say is hot because they think it makes them seem cooler to their guy friends.
8. Heidi Montag
Ridiculous. I can think of ten things in my bathroom right now that I would rather have sex with. Being on TV a lot doesn't make you hot. For example, I would never fuck Al Roker.
7. Elisha Cuthbert
In 2004 maybe. Is it 2004? *checks calendar* -- No.
6. Adriana Lima
Finally, someone who belongs in the Top 10. Congratulations FHM readers, you're 1 for 5 so far. In conclusion. FHM readers are all gay.
5. Madeline Zima
Who? I have to have masturbated to you at least once for you to make this list.
4. Jessica Biel
See comments for Anne Hathaway, only the complete opposite. Go up to a random woman on the street and ask her how she feels about Jessica. There is a very good chance the words "fucking" "kill" and "bitch" will be uttered.
3. Scarlett Johansson
Reputation pick. I'd feel more comfortable about Scarlett at 3 if she didn't just start working with Madonna's personal trainer (see here). I fully expect her to look like Mr. Universe by this time next year.
2. Jessica Alba
2 for 9 so far FHM readers. Just admit you like guys.
1. Megan Fox
I think the hottest thing about Megan is that she seems so dumb. I'm almost positive that I could somehow trick her into giving me a BJ within 10 minutes of meeting her. "I swear it tastes like candy."

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