Liar liar pants on fire

In their latest issue, Us Weekly trots out no less than five separate sources to confirm that Jon Gosselin (of TLC hit reality show Jon & Kate Plus 8) is cheating on his wife. The alleged whore in question is 23-year-old teacher Deanna Hummel. To be clear, she's definitely a homewrecker. There's no doubt about that. In summary, definitely a homewrecker. Hummel's older brother told Us Weekly:

"She's a nice girl, not a homewrecker."

Um, Jason and I need to have a talk. He continues:

"He is a bad liar. This isn't healthy for her. But she is refusing to help herself, so here I am trying to help her myself. I hope this clears the air."

Oh yeah, everything should be cool now. Definitely don't see any repercussions from this interview. Have fun at the family reunion. He continues:

"[At the Hummel house, Deanna and Jon would] pretty much stay locked away like two teenagers. It was weird. He's a grown man. A lot of the time, it was pretty, um, gross listening to her, you know, um — how do I say this? The walls are thin. Let’s just say that. I mean, no one wants to hear his sister having sex, let alone with a married dude who's, like, almost twice her age and who has eight kids and a maybe-crazy wife. Ick. Nast."

In Jon's defense, it's easy to see why he's cheating with a younger woman. His wife has given birth to eight kids in the past few years, EIGHT. There's really no saving a vagina after that. You might as well just fuck air.