by Dan the Celebman 

We can all get a little bitter when some fat Hollywood producer picks a no talent bimbo "a la Heidi" off the street and makes them a star just because their face sells product. But there's a good reason why the producer does that, and the following celebs are the reason why. Some have talent, some have looks, all of them are people you don't want to bump into in a dark alley, which is ironic, because at least 4 of them live in a dark alley.

NOTE: Make sure you click through the gallery for individual comments under each picture.

  • Thumbnail: 10. Quentin Tarantino. This guy has serious directing and writing talent\, there is no doubt about that\, but I still think he might be one step away from being a serial killer. If you ever want to empty a nightclub just hire him and Steve Buscemi to be your bar tenders\: "this guy we knew in Reno\, didn't leave a tip... we gutted that fucker like a fish\, used his carcass to store the cocktail umbrellas." The eyes... the forehead... the chin... Kill Bill Vol 2\!
  • Thumbnail: 9. The Hogans. The Addams Family for the 21st Century\, only without the laughs. Dad is dating a girl that looks suspiciously like daughter\, Mom is dating man that could be a father\/son hybrid\, son is talentless jailbird life-wrecker and daughter is a Jessica Simpson wannabe\, but not as "talented". If you put them all together\, what have you got\? Godzilla with blonde hair and questionable chromosome count.
  • Thumbnail: 8. Khloe Kardashian. According to Wikipedia\, "the free encyclopedia that any Star Trek fan who is still a virgin at 38 and knows the difference in size between a Galactic class starship and Sovereign class starship can edit"\, Khloe is a model. I had to rack my brains before I realized what Khloe could possibly model. Then I realized. She's a life-size model for the Statue of Liberty right\? I mean look at Liberty\, bless her\, that gown is so 1886\!
  • Thumbnail: 7. The Williams Sisters. Venus and Serena\, absolute superstars in tennis. But with arms that look like they could bend steel girders and thighs that could pop a man's brain out of his ears like a teenager squeezing a zit\, these ladies make our scary list. Serena can hit the ball so hard she once served a lob so fast and high it knocked a satellite out of orbit and compromised the hull of the Battlestar Galactica. True story.
  • Thumbnail: 6. Posh Spice. Wife of David and mother of Brooklyn\, Detroit and Downtown LA. The singer\/fashionista\/British Paris Hilton. She scares a lot of people. Why\? Because you know in that tiny haute couture purse she has a can of mace and if you don't laugh at her insipid jokes and tell her she looks fabulous she will mace the goo out of your eyeballs until you are singing a medley of Spice Girls hits in her honor. Beware of the wrath of the stick thin obscenely rich woman scorned.
  • Thumbnail: 5. Gary Busey. Busey simply makes this list because of the way he treated Jennifer Garner at the 2008 Oscars. He practically dry humped her on the red carpet. Ben Affleck must have nearly choked on his family size box of donuts when he saw that. Busey is mentally clouded at the least and he seems to think people enjoy his crazy antics now. But at least he knows Spielberg will call him when the Jaws remake comes out. Hiring Busey is cheaper than a mechanical shark and scarier.
  • Thumbnail: 4. Tom Jones. Once one of the finest Welsh exports\, now a pin up for the cosmetic surgery industry. Women still throw their panties at him at his concerts\, but nowadays they are just trying to cover his face. Proof of this\? The panties are size XXL and dry. The day a man decides he needs plastic surgery on the "heaviness in his eyelids" is officially the day his testicles drop off and go looking for Lindsay Lohan for a new home.
  • Thumbnail: 3. Mel Gibson. If you don't think Mel is scary\, then take a look at this pic. That is a man with a look of "I am so rich and powerful that even God has to get through my PA before talking to me" in his eyes. Either that or he has just sacrificed a pack of wild dogs to the Sumerian god Martu in exchange for his continuing movie career and the downfall of Judaism. Apparently his next film is "Tragic Titanic\: The Wrath of the Hasidic Iceberg".
  • Thumbnail: 2. Michael Jackson. Amazing music\, questionable taste in domestic partners. Jackson gets scarier by the year\, dangling children out of windows\, turning white\, picking new noses\, thinking he's Peter Pan... the man is scary. I'm sure Peter Pan liked Wendy the most out of the Darling siblings\, I don't remember Pan asking Michael Darling to watch videos in bed with him and ask him to peel his banana. And yes\, that is a delightful euphemism.
  • Thumbnail: 1. Amy Winehouse. The scariest celebrity in the world. She threatened to torch my house and eat my dog's heart if I didn't put her at number 1... and buy her a bottle of gin. Amy used to make good music. Now she makes grown men cry and young men sterile. Rumor is her next album will just be a recording of her crying\, vomiting and mumbling gibberish. Bit like Britney's last album but with less sounds of whole chickens being consumed and gratuitous belching.
[WENN, Flynet]