by Dan the Celebman 

We can all get a little bitter when some fat Hollywood producer picks a no talent bimbo "a la Heidi" off the street and makes them a star just because their face sells product. But there's a good reason why the producer does that, and the following celebs are the reason why. Some have talent, some have looks, all of them are people you don't want to bump into in a dark alley, which is ironic, because at least 4 of them live in a dark alley.

NOTE: Make sure you click through the gallery for individual comments under each picture.

  • Thumbnail: 10. Quentin Tarantino. This guy has serious directing and writing talent\, there is no doubt about that\, but I still think he might be one step away from being a serial killer. If you ever want to empty a nightclub just hire him and Steve Buscemi to be your bar tenders\: "this guy we knew in Reno\, didn't leave a tip... we gutted that fucker like a fish\, used his carcass to store the cocktail umbrellas." The eyes... the forehead... the chin... Kill Bill Vol 2\!
  • Thumbnail: 9. The Hogans. The Addams Family for the 21st Century\, only without the laughs. Dad is dating a girl that looks suspiciously like daughter\, Mom is dating man that could be a father\/son hybrid\, son is talentless jailbird life-wrecker and daughter is a Jessica Simpson wannabe\, but not as "talented". If you put them all together\, what have you got\? Godzilla with blonde hair and questionable chromosome count.
  • Thumbnail: 8. Khloe Kardashian. According to Wikipedia\, "the free encyclopedia that any Star Trek fan who is still a virgin at 38 and knows the difference in size between a Galactic class starship and Sovereign class starship can edit"\, Khloe is a model. I had to rack my brains before I realized what Khloe could possibly model. Then I realized. She's a life-size model for the Statue of Liberty right\? I mean look at Liberty\, bless her\, that gown is so 1886\!
  • Thumbnail: 7. The Williams Sisters. Venus and Serena\, absolute superstars in tennis. But with arms that look like they could bend steel girders and thighs that could pop a man's brain out of his ears like a teenager squeezing a zit\, these ladies make our scary list. Serena can hit the ball so hard she once served a lob so fast and high it knocked a satellite out of orbit and compromised the hull of the Battlestar Galactica. True story.
  • Thumbnail: 6. Posh Spice. Wife of David and mother of Brooklyn\, Detroit and Downtown LA. The singer\/fashionista\/British Paris Hilton. She scares a lot of people. Why\? Because you know in that tiny haute couture purse she has a can of mace and if you don't laugh at her insipid jokes and tell her she looks fabulous she will mace the goo out of your eyeballs until you are singing a medley of Spice Girls hits in her honor. Beware of the wrath of the stick thin obscenely rich woman scorned.
  • Thumbnail: 5. Gary Busey. Busey simply makes this list because of the way he treated Jennifer Garner at the 2008 Oscars. He practically dry humped her on the red carpet. Ben Affleck must have nearly choked on his family size box of donuts when he saw that. Busey is mentally clouded at the least and he seems to think people enjoy his crazy antics now. But at least he knows Spielberg will call him when the Jaws remake comes out. Hiring Busey is cheaper than a mechanical shark and scarier.
  • Thumbnail: 4. Tom Jones. Once one of the finest Welsh exports\, now a pin up for the cosmetic surgery industry. Women still throw their panties at him at his concerts\, but nowadays they are just trying to cover his face. Proof of this\? The panties are size XXL and dry. The day a man decides he needs plastic surgery on the "heaviness in his eyelids" is officially the day his testicles drop off and go looking for Lindsay Lohan for a new home.
  • Thumbnail: 3. Mel Gibson. If you don't think Mel is scary\, then take a look at this pic. That is a man with a look of "I am so rich and powerful that even God has to get through my PA before talking to me" in his eyes. Either that or he has just sacrificed a pack of wild dogs to the Sumerian god Martu in exchange for his continuing movie career and the downfall of Judaism. Apparently his next film is "Tragic Titanic\: The Wrath of the Hasidic Iceberg".
  • Thumbnail: 2. Michael Jackson. Amazing music\, questionable taste in domestic partners. Jackson gets scarier by the year\, dangling children out of windows\, turning white\, picking new noses\, thinking he's Peter Pan... the man is scary. I'm sure Peter Pan liked Wendy the most out of the Darling siblings\, I don't remember Pan asking Michael Darling to watch videos in bed with him and ask him to peel his banana. And yes\, that is a delightful euphemism.
  • Thumbnail: 1. Amy Winehouse. The scariest celebrity in the world. She threatened to torch my house and eat my dog's heart if I didn't put her at number 1... and buy her a bottle of gin. Amy used to make good music. Now she makes grown men cry and young men sterile. Rumor is her next album will just be a recording of her crying\, vomiting and mumbling gibberish. Bit like Britney's last album but with less sounds of whole chickens being consumed and gratuitous belching.
[WENN, Flynet]
  • Alissa Jackson


  • Tasha

    Hey, Jesse, yeah you. the one posting about "wealthy" There's always one of you on these posts boasting about that site. Look at the types you'd get by looking at these wealthy celebs. You deserve Gary Busey or maybe Quentin Tarentino, you ass!

  • Tasha

    Quentin Tarentino looks like a bi-sexual/gay serial killer. Just listen to the guy talk? If Hollywood thinks this dude has a great and creative mind, then that shows you what's wrong with Hollywood, Brad Pitt! He is a freak show! Seriously, a judge on American Idol? Fuck, he can't sing and needs to be in a straight jacket! His films suck as bad as he does. Sure, his "creative mind" is more like twisted, wierd and just plain stupid.

  • wrong

    i don't think amy winehouse is scary either. just extremely self-destructive and tragic as well.

  • wrong

    i wouldn't say michael jackson is scary ss so much as tragic...and pathetic. i thought this about him even before he died.

  • woah

    i had no clue that was tom jones. the picture of him looks like a mug shot of a hardened criminal.

  • eww

    god i hate these people. they are a true symbol of everything i and everyone else hates about america. they really are all creepy in their special ways. brooke has weak tuck game.

  • Anonymous

    hmm...why the hell isn't carrot top in here? he's so fucking creepy. specifically his super-plucked eyebrows (i bounce a quarter off them), his caca-colored tanner, the fact that he obviously wears some kind of make-up (and lots of it), and most of all his six-pack and bulging muscles which is completely unexpected, unnecessary, and ridiculous. oh...then there's his hair. i don't have a problem with curls or redheads (i'm one myself), but he ties it up weird. like when he gathers a big handful of hair and ties it in a half ponytail on the top of his head. makes him look like he has a fountainhead with his hair spewing forth in every direction from the very top of his head. i've seen a lot of toddlers with the same hairstyle, so that's creepy too.

  • Cindy-O

    I love the Hogans, they rule!!

  • Dreymac

    This list can't be complete withou Micky Rourke.

  • lizzard

    "look, i'm gary busey. i'm frequently aggressive in situations that don't call for it."

  • Howler

    It's a foregone conclusion and basically just a matter of time before, Gary Busey is involved in some sort of ritual killing. Apparently believing that his own head is nature's motorcycle helmet. Cocaine, alcohol and drug abuse. His quasi-apocalyptic style rant/chant/prayers that sound like something, David Koresh probably preached to his, Branch Dividians before setting fire to the Texas compound. ANd most likely, the unconfirmed voices in his head that direct his every move. It all adds up to Gary wandering down, Melrose, in the wee pre-dawn hours, naked, covered in blood that's not his own, proclaiming himself to be, The Hand of God. I love that fuckin' guy!



  • Anonymous

    michael jackson was a fuckin child molestor, and a fuck weirdo!!! his face was always changing for the worse, he asked for the drugs so he could get some sleep then he died, the dumbass got what he wanted and not to mention deserved, now parents don't have to worry about him molesting any more kids. his death was not a homicide, they just don't want the truth to come out that he loved his pills and don't want his name slammed, well too fuckin late Jack-O...u you weird fuck!

  • Alicia

    If you hate these kinds of sites then why the fuck are you on one?

  • Anonymous

    I definitely agree about the Williams sisters -- women who are strong and good at sports are terrifying and really need to cut it out. They make my wiener feel teeny-tiny.

  • Anita Greencard

    Al Pachino, you missed him. Sadly Courtney Love- poor girl. Rush Limbaul (sp?)Every thing that's wrong with America is totalled in Rush.

    Don't fight over Religion- it's for fools if you believe in those hokey stories, customs, and hatred.

  • Rose

    There is a rumor in my family of Lithuanian and Slovenia immigrants. A rumor that Roman Polanski is our third cousin. Well unless I travel (and it would be tragic to not connect with our own flesh and blood [if the rumors are true]) I'll never meet him. One thing for me and my siblings that remains a constant- with our flare for the dramatic and interest in the subject of Hollywood- one man stands alone to us post college student siblings: Quentin Tarantino. The always sweet, wired-in life interviewee does not have the personality of a serial killer, now or ever. Why would you even print this bullshit? Insulting talent like his insults his audience as well. Are you hoping that could...perhaps plant a completely unfounded seed to create a fear in the actor/director/writer? Is that jealousy?

    In all interviews Tarantino has given (that I have seen) his charisma flies off the screen. The man has an admirable passion for film making that I only wish could be packaged and sold. Also, oddly enough in such a competitive business as Hollywood, the famous director comes off as very polite, sincere, with an enthusiasm for life that is infectious. This man loves life; and his zest for the smallest topic or the grandest choir is always a pleasure to overhear him speak about. 'To inspire' is Greek for 'breath life' into another. Tarantino never fails in that quest. He generates such energy, I only wish the best for him. In time he will be cemented as one of the greats. Like my 3rd cousin, but hopefully without the scandal.

    As on a personal note, thanks for the inspiration. We both grew up on 1980's shows. That's for the respect and the recognition. In me, you have a fan for life. Go set the world on fire through your films.

  • I Doughno

    Joan and Melissa Rivers should replace the Williams sisters. and Omarosa can replace Khloe.

  • Ryan Hileman

    Hilarious post. you have been nominated for a BoB award where top prize wins $1000.

  • DJ Rolling Paper

    Quentin Tarantino looks like beeker from the muppet show....

  • texlexnotamex

    Mow Rons

  • texlexnotamex

    If you want more info on the dinosaurs ask Gary Busey or Tom Jones.

  • Steve

    The Williams sisters look like MEN. They should be called the Williams brothers. Serena is built like a man and has very strong and manly facial features, the same goes for Venus. Both of them look like two trannies. Now thats SCARY.

  • puella

    I think it's very very funny and sarcastic....and I couldn't agree with you more about quentin,he does have a serial killer look :)

  • nucnac

    OH MY GOD!!!!! Why is Joan Rivers not here???? She looks like she has a halloween mask on of herself cause she has 5 tons of botox in her face and it wont expression...not to mention shes a cruel,cold,fake BIOTCH!!!!! oh,and fuck you jew haters....and IM FROM TEXAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Anonymous

    right on!! i am from the great state of Texas also!!

  • OEK

    I believe she is sought after to model gorilla suits.

  • mishasan

    I can't believe you left Tom Cruise off the list! He's a megalomaniac control freak psycho. I can't believe that guy still makes movies that people watch.

  • Anon!

    Tom Cruise is a good actor. (see interview with a vampire)

    He's just a crazy ass human being. ~coughscientologistcough~

    But yes, as a man, he need be on this one fairly close to the top.

  • Ahlan Oliphant

    Walking, breathing arguments for lifeguards at the gene pool.

  • gg

    Amy Winehouse is one bad TransFrankenfreak i've ever seen. Is this God telling us that the end is near? Hope So!

  • JS

    one word "Aroooroo!"

    Where's Sarah Connor?

  • BeckUmmm

    she looks more like Ass Spice!

  • Synnamin

    what? no Madonna? She looks like she's leading a zombie army.

  • vito

    Poor Gary Busey...he has been marginally bats for most of his life, but that last motorcycle accident really launched him out there.

    "Saturn approaching...make a sharp left!"

    Too bad. Some of his earlier work was very good. See "Big Wednesday," "Barbarosa," and "The Buddy Holly Story."

  • TruthandConsequences

    Let's see ... being a Star Trek fan, or being the millionth hipster wannabe who writes snarky comments about celebrities online, imagining they are much more clever than they really are.

  • Yorky

    Having sex with Amy Winehouse would be like fucking a box of wire coat-hangers!

  • rebnay

    The list is not very good - there are lots of scarier celebs out there. Looks like this was thrown together in a fit of boredom. It's neither interesting nor amusing. Stick to the celeb gossip.

  • HiPhOpFaN

    whats so scary about the Williams sisters?

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