Lindsay Lohan outside her home in the Hollywood Hills (5/25)

Lindsay Lohan is taking applications for a new dad (qualifications: must have at least 20+ years experience and a nine-digit net worth -- half liquid) -- she's officially given up on her fuck-up of a dad Michael. From the Chicago Sun Times:

The renewed legal problems for Lindsay Lohan's father, Michael Lohan -- including charges he threatened his ex-fiancee and is behind in child support payments to LiLo's mom, Dina Lohan -- have further estranged him from his famous daughter. The actress continues to rebuff her dad's attempts to reach her -- specifically asking for money. A source close to the actress says she now describes her biological father as ''the sperm donor."

Why is Michael asking Lindsay for money? She hasn't worked in months. Her checking account is emptier than Paris Hilton's soul. At this point, he'd have an easier time getting money out of an IndyMac Bank. Since Lindsay considers her father to be nothing more than a "sperm donor" and wants him to stop relying on her for money, she should suggest he get a job at the one place where he's apparently overqualified: here.

[Pacific Coast News]