Lindsay and Ali Lohan at the Haute & Bothered launch party at the Sunset Tower Hotel in West Hollywood (5/4)

The New York Daily News brings us shocking news about Lindsay Lohan: she's possibly a negative influence on her sister Ali. Paging Captain Obvious. From the paper:

"If you have an older child who is breaking a lot of the rules and engaging in dangerous and risky behavior, this can have a negative impact on the younger child," said Dr. Eva Ritvo, psychiatrist and vice chair of psychiatry at the University of Miami School of Medicine.

"Adolescents are trying to break away from their family and they don't always make the best choices. They're looking for role models other than their parents, and often turn to peers and older sisters, who can have a very powerful influence on the younger child," she said. "The course Ali is taking appears to be more in the direction of copying than in shrinking from the cameras and the revelry."

Hold on, hold on, writing this down . . . sexually-confused, drug-addicted, unemployed older sibling . . . probably NOT a good role model. Thanks Dr. Ritvo! Now if she could only use that degree of hers to help me solve the problem of why it hurts when I put my hand in the oven. Because I'm a fucking moron! That is who she's targeting with this analysis, right? No shit Lindsay's a bad role model. Even my dog knows that and he's an idiot who eats other dogs' shit. Easiest prediction ever made: Ali will be in rehab or blowing dudes for cigarette money before she gets her learner's permit. That or she'll actually blow a dude to get her learner's permit.

[WENN]