Matthew McConaughey jogging in Malibu (2/19)

Even though he literally had one wrapped around his head when he was born, Matthew McConaughey admits in this month's Elle that, when he was a kid, he didn't have a clue what was up with the vagina:

ELLE: Did you have any odd misunderstandings about human sexuality as a kid?

MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY: Oh yeah. From checking out Playboy I always thought—jeezum, we still don’t have a better word for it than vagina, do we?—I thought it was behind the pubic hair, and it faced horizontal. You know, east/west, not south. So the first time I got to third base, man, I was hunting for a long time.

ELLE: You could have easily missed third altogether and wound up in a place so forbidden it never even got its own base.

MM: And I didn’t want to go there. I was real spooked about hunting around, so it took about an hour to find.

Matthew thinks there aren't vaginas that go "east/west"? Tell that to the billions of women that live in Asia, you narrow-minded racist.* Regardless, even if he didn't know exactly where the vagina was, it shouldn't have taken him "an hour to find." If true, there are only two reasons why it would have taken him so long to get to the promised land: 1. She was hairier than Robin Williams' forearm, or 2. Her genital region was smoothed over like a Barbie Doll . . . and Clay Aiken.

*So I've heard. Seriously, in fourth grade Billy Hastert told me so.

[Flynet]