April 2009 NUDE!

Elisa Sednaoui

Italian model Elisa Sednaoui

Heidi Montag in Pasadena (4/25)

+ Rachel Bilson going incognito at Whole Foods [Just Jared]

+ Boobies! (NSFW) [College Humor]
+ Uma Thurman has saggy boobs [Drunken Stepfather]
+ Bar Refaeli's Little Black Bikini [Egotastic!]
+ Megan Fox looking crazy hot while shopping [Popoholic]
+ Kimberly Walsh (Girls Aloud) upskirt [TaxiDriverMovie]

+ That one chick from Top Gun is a lesbian [Cele|bitchy]
+ Suelyn Medeiros is your afternoon pick-me-up [F-Listed]
+ Aubrey Miles is topless [Holy Taco]
+ OctoMom raided by child services [Bossip]
+ The American Idol mansion is haunted [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]

Ali Lohan bikini pics (Maui - 4/29)

My alternate title to this post was "How my picture finally ended up on the Megan's Law website."

NOTE: If a wealthy Saudi sheik called up Dina Lohan right now and offered her $10 million for Ali, how fast does she agree to it? 2 seconds? 3 seconds?

Jennifer Aniston on the set of The Baster in New York (4/27)

Ahhh, the life of a movie star. There's a dude on the set of The Baster (currently filming in New York) whose sole job is to follow Jennifer Aniston around and hold an umbrella over her head to block out the sun. From a set insider at BettyConfidential.com:

"Jen likes to have certain hair and makeup for all of her movies, especially the romantic comedies and she looks stunning in The Baster. She is unbelievably tan and her hair always looks perfect. She has an umbrella handler with her at all times due to the heat wave in New York. Her spray tan would literally slide off her face in the heat if she wasn't protected..."

Just once I'd like to read about a current actor that isn't a god damn primadonna. See, this is why I prefer classic film and television to the crap they're putting out nowadays. It was just different back then. You think Mark-Paul Gosselaar or Dustin Diamond or Lark Voorhies would have pulled this shit? Fuck no. They cared too much about their craft.

Jennifer Garner outside the Ed Sullivan Theater in New York (4/29)

It's a testament to what's become of his life that the first thing I thought when I saw these nasty wounds on Jennifer Garner was, "Wait, when did she become friends with Chris Brown?"

Vanessa Minnillo

Vanessa Minnillo arriving to Pepsi's "Throwback Launch Party" at World On Wheels in L.A. (4/29)

Veronica Webb bikini pics!

Model Veronica Webb in Miami (May 2008)

Kim Kardashian's ass looks bigger

Is it just me or does Kim Kardashian's ass look even bigger? That's Kim at Pepsi's "Throwback Launch Party" last night. My god. How is that even possible? I fear we may never know. I think just to be safe, Kim needs to be put down so we can preserve her ass in formaldehyde for future scientific study. Two of those tranquilizer darts normally used on elephants should do the trick. We'll shoot her from a helicopter -- African game warden style -- so she doesn't suspect anything. Who's with me?

Lindsay Lohan in Maui (4/29)

Looks like we can add "surfing" to the list of things Lindsay Lohan is bad at. For the record, the current list:

• Checkers
• Staying sober
• Waking up before noon
• Algebra
• Not sucking cock in nightclub bathrooms
• Grand Theft Auto IV
  
• Finding her panties in the morning (check under his bed Lindsay)
  
• Surfing
  

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt at LAX (4/29)

Aw god dammit. Heidi and Spencer didn't catch swine flu when they were in Mexico. They landed at LAX yesterday. You know how much money I threw into the wishing well I have behind my house hoping that Heidi and Spencer would come back to L.A. in bodybags? Like 40 bucks! I want a refund.

NOTE: Of course they did this. Holy crap I hate them.