Lindsay Lohan's career officially over

Lindsay Lohan's latest film Labor Pains is skipping theaters and going straight to cable. The movie will premiere on the ABC Family channel this July. For those of you keeping track at home, that's the first time in two years that I used the word "straight" in a story about Lindsay Lohan. From Access Hollywood:

In the film, which wrapped production in August 2008, Lindsay plays a woman who fakes being pregnant to save herself from being fired and is then forced to keep the lie going for nine months. However, the source did say the movie would hit theaters internationally. No release date was available. (Source)

I can't wait to see how Lindsay's gonna spin this. "I'm actually glad it premiered on cable and not in the theatres. Not having to promote it on the talk show circuit or go to the premiere frees me up to work on other more quality projects so I can win an Ocar by the time I'm 30 . . . I'll suck your dick for an Oscar."