I like to stalk my exes.

Birthing apes

Since I'm cheap (not rich enough to be frugal) I take my wife to the store and pick out a card I would have bought her and show it to her (saving up to $4.00) then I take her out to either Wendy's or BK for the dollar menu (spending up to $4.00) and then go home to watch on DVD Young Frankenstein and the two Addams Family movies as a night cap, before putting our 4 kids to bed and some snuggle time before crashing.

I make ye olde 'butt cake' for fun since we don't really celebrate VD. It's a two layer chocolate cake baked in heart shaped pans with chocolate whipped cream frosting and sprinkled with chocolate jimmies for that lovely 'hairy effect'. It's served upside down so it looks like a butt. Everyone thinks it's funny and get a kick out of it. I guess it's one way of eating ass that actually tastes great ;)

we don't have time or money for Valentine's day now that we have 2 kids...we had our fun and they were the result! best gift ever.

my man told me that V-day is a "made up" holiday, so I won't be getting anything. He, in turn, will not be "getting any" either, so I am going to spend get a mani/pedi/massage with the girls, all on his dime...

yay for the fake holiday!!!

My girl and I like to do the horizontal tango, followed by the vertical cha-cha and the face-shove to the crotch. All while sucking face, usually :) It's the face shove to the crotch while sucking face that is an accomplishment! You need a really long tongue for that.

I like to organize my TV Guide magazines by the size of the thumbprints left on them. You see, my thumbs keep growing at an astronomical rate, and while it is a tragic deformity, I can judge the last time I picked up a magazine by the size of my thumbprints upon it. It helps pass the time on a normally boring February 14th. Thanks, thumbcromegaly!

I forgot to add that my thumb is now the size of a face. Aunt Betty used to bribe us with Dentyne gum to keep us from telling Grandma that she was smoking pot in Pawpaw's earthworm habitat. Back in the 70's we had only heard of cinnamon Dentyne. But it was good, and the worms really made for some colorful fishing trips. So I reckon we never said nothin bout it. Good times.

I completely ignore the fact that Valentine's Day exists! It is bogus and designed to make the single people feel bad! Even though I have someone to celebrate with, I just don't celebrate it, out of respect for my single, no-Valentine's-Day-date friends.

I like to share some Dentyne with the editors of Celebslam.

I like to dress all my cats up and sit them at the table and pretend I have someone to talk to.

It's my birthday so all my male friend buy me roses and show up at my college at the same time and they're "devestated you're cheating on me with five other men!"

I love my birthday.

I stage a "break up" with an unsuspecting guy at the mall and run off crying. I usually end up getting a free dinner from a sympathetic onlooker.

i sleep with as many guys as i can, so i feel loved

Valentines day. Another opportunity for me to fail. Sweet.

In oreder to prepare for V day, I will be practicing sucking a bowling ball up a straw,

I'm practicing for you Nick......

Jumping jacks on a trampoline naked, followed by a swift donkey punch and some roses!

I buy me and my woman $350 worth of Patagonia outdoor apparel, right before I tell her she now has to go "thank" the guy from Celebslam.

lots and lots of masturbation

Amen

Im going to do Vinyasa Yoga Boot Camp that includes a wine and chocolate tasting after. Something good followed by something bad-Yum!

I like to watch her sleep...while her boyfriend is downstairs.

Even when I'm dating somebody, I love to make Valentine's Day a group friend day. Me and a couple of my girlfriends usually go to the movies and then dinner together.

I like to prank call all of my ex wives