Benji Madden at the grand opening of My House nightclub in Hollywood (1/9)

Benji Madden is still heartbroken over his breakup with Paris Hilton. All together now: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. His brother Joel and girlfriend Nicole Richie have been doing their best to get him some no-strings-attached hot model sex but he wants no part of it. A source told the National Enquirer:

"Benji thought Paris would come running back to him but he was wrong. Now that Benji realizes Paris has gone on her with her life, he's consumed by heartache. Nicole has all kinds of female friends - from models to actresses- who would love to date Benji. But every time Nicole told Benji that she and Joel would double with him and his fix-up, he flaked out at the last minute and spent the evening whimpering about Paris.

"Joel and Nicole finally had to sit Benji down and show him some tough love by telling him they don't want to hear it anymore. They reminded Benji that he's one of the hottest rock stars on the charts right now and has female fans falling at his feet. Luckily, Joel and Nicole were able to put things in perspective for Benji, and he's beginning to realize that there's life after Paris." (Print Edition - 1/19)

There can only be one reason why Benji wants Paris back so badly: he never has to worry about giving her an STD.* Unfortunately for Benji, the only way back into Paris' heart is for him to engorge a specific part of his body to Herculean proportions. His wallet. If Benji really does want to move on, there is one way he can land another talentless whore of a girlfriend: star in the next season of Rock of Love.
 
*She already has the complete collection, including a rare mint condition 1992 Granuloma Inguinale

[Pacific Coast News]