Guy Ritchie leaving his pub in London (12/9)
The newly-divorced Guy Ritchie and Madonna are planning on spending Christmas together at Guy's countryside estate in Ashcombe, England. Wow, that shouldn't be awkward. "Rocco son, can you tell your stupid whore of a mom to pass the gravy?" A source told the Daily Mail:
"Madonna and Guy want the best for the kids and so she has decided to come over to the UK so they can be with their father. Guy is happiest with his kids and in the countryside. Because of what the kids have been through this year he wants to treat them to a really special Christmas with stockings of presents and a big tree. He is planning on having a traditional turkey dinner – although all the food will be organic at Madonna's insistence. Madonna doesn't really like Ashcombe but she thinks it's important that they put on a united front for the kids. She will, however, be eating a different meal as she will only eat fish. She will also be working out on Christmas Day." (Source)
If Madonna and Guy really "want the best for the kids," they'll get them the only Christmas present any kid from that family would want: a handgun loaded with a single bullet. Why is Madonna celebrating Christmas anyway? I thought her new religion forbade Christian holidays, pork, and foreskin. Knowing Madonna, she'll probably try to impose her beliefs anyway . . . by lighting Guy's possessions on fire for eight straight nights.
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