Benji Madden is faithful

Benji Madden wants all of us to know that those rumors about him cheating on Paris Hilton are completely false. Uh, thanks, I guess. Now I can sleep in peace. Benji told Life & Style magazine:

"Paris is the love of my life. She's the most beautiful woman in the world. These rumors are not only hurtful but completely false and absurd. She is my life and the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. Everything they printed is a complete lie. I never give off any impression other than that I am madly in love with Paris. I am disgusted that people would make up such malicious lies. She is my life, my heart and my soul and is the most important thing in my life. No one exists but her. I am the most loyal guy in the world and would never even look at anyone else." (Source)

You know, in my 55 years of being a Pulitzer Prize-winning Internet reporter I've never seen anyone as stupid as Benji Madden. What makes him so impressively stupid isn't that he thinks Paris Hilton is the "most beautiful woman in the world," or the hats he wears are cool. No sir, what makes him the dumbest member of Good Charlotte and possibly the human race is the fact that he has indeed, called out the paparazzi. Did you hear that, boys? He basically says not only do you NOT have any pictures of him with other women, but you don't have the skill, talent, patience, equipment, or testicular fortitude to catch him in a compromising position and break it exclusively on Celebslam. Oh, and he says you're all dumb and fat -- so fat that you can't see your penis when you stand up. It's true, he told me.

[Flynet]