Celebslam: They're Better Than Us: October 2008 Archives

Quickies Redux

Paris Hilton at Heathrow airport in London (10/30)

+ Kim Kardashian dresses up as big-assed Wonder Woman [Drunken Stepfather]

+ Keeley Hazell's Topless Witch is the Best. Halloween Costume. Ever. [Egotastic!]

+ Lauren Conrad's boobs don't look like that [Just Jared]

+ Kate Moss is see through (semi-NSFW) [TaxiDriverMovie]

+ You know Halloween has to be Shauna Sand's favorite time of the year [The Blemish]

+ The hottest photo of Marisa Miller ever taken [Holy Taco]

+ Heidi Klum in lingerie. Need I say more? [Attuworld]

+ Kayleigh Pearson is your afternoon pick-me-up [F-Listed]

+ Madonna and A-Rod have a secret tryst at Jerry Seinfeld's place in the Hamptons [Cele|bitchy]

[Flynet]

Remember Hanson? They were the three douche bags who sang that god awful "MMMbop" song that made you want to beat up a puppy every time you heard it. Well apparently they're still alive and very angry with the world. That's one of the brothers -- Frank or Bobby I think -- flipping off a paparazzo on Tuesday in Falls Church, Virginia. Damn, how much would it suck to get stuck covering the Hanson beat as a paparazzo? The rest of your friends are taking pictures of Jessica Alba and Kate Beckinsale and you're stuck taking pictures of the adult Jonas Brothers. I'd rather be a maid for Rosie O'Donnell. "Aw dammit, chocolate and gravy on the sheets again?!"

[Splash News]

Tori Spelling is better than you

Tori Spelling has a nice house

Tori Spelling's new $2.5 million, 6,700 square foot house in Encino, CA

NOTE: “. . . is better than you” is a Friday feature showcasing multi-million dollar celebrity homes in the hopes of generating feelings of jealousy, hatred, and animosity towards said celebrity. When you get down to the entertainment-dollar-spending core of it, you helped buy that home. Sucker!

[Real Estalker]

Being Tommy Lee is fun

Tommy Lee and a "friend" in Beverly Hills (10/28)

Of all the blonde chicks with big boobs in L.A., how many do you think Tommy Lee has banged? My guess is 15-18 . . . last weekend.

[Pacific Coast News]

Lunch with Dannii Minogue

Dannii Minogue

Dannii Minogue at the 2008 National Television Awards in London (10/29)

[WENN, Flynet]

I have a confession to make

Suzanne Somers may be the world's first GILF

I would still do Suzanne Somers. I mean, just look at her. She's 62 damn years old. That's not a typo. 6-2. And it's not like these pics were taken in the 80s. They were taken last month in Hollywood. Holy shit. How must Tara Reid feel after seeing these pics? In car terms, Suzanne's a '64 Ferrari 275 GTB that's been garaged the past 20 years and Tara's a '02 Ford Escort rental car with 700,000 miles on it and a leaky radiator.

[WENN]

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

NSFW!

Don’t click the picture. Just trust me dude, don’t click the picture.

Joe Francis and Samantha Ronson are fighting

Joe Francis slams Samantha Ronson on the Tyra Banks Show

Is there anyone in Hollywood -- without the last name Ronson -- that actually likes Samantha Ronson? Certainly not Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis. He blasted Ronson on the Tyra Banks Show earlier this week, calling her a "wretched woman." Recap via PopEater:

During the episode, Francis calls Ronson "very jealous. Samantha tried to start a fight with me. I care about Lindsay - she's not gay. She's being controlled by this . . . wretched woman, this Samantha."
The feud began during the VMA party on Sept. 7 when Francis approached Lohan and Ronson's table. Ronson recalls the evening, "He said hello to Lindsay and looked over at me as if I wasn't a human being. He's got no manners." Lohan blogged on her MySpace a few weeks ago about the on-going feud. "Joe Francis has no place in saying anything about Samantha . . . especially after all the shit he has done." (Source)

Ah, true love. There's nothing like a Shakespearean tragedy ghostwritten by Jerry Springer to make me feel alive. In one corner you have the most famous pervert in the world, the man most responsible for squashing the Playboy empire and, unbelievably, lower the bar of human behavior at spring break with the power of his mighty video cam and free t-shirt. In the other corner, you have a woman who looks like Gollum with a more powerful tongue and thicker fingers. Let us not forget the object of their "affection" is a confused attention whore stuck in the middle of this shit sandwich. A reprehensible waste of skin but undoubtedly a great lay. There's gonna be an epic battle for the domination of that firecrotch, and decisions will need to be made. Who will it be? The bull dyke who spins records and can suck start a wave-maker? Or will it be the guy who's only accomplishment is getting paid for saying "take your top off" on camera to 14-year-olds. True love.

[WENN]

Miley’s parents worried she’ll end up like Jamie Lynn

Miley’s parents worried she’s having sex

Justin Gaston with Miley and Billy Ray Cyrus in Hollywood (10/26)

iley Cyrus' parents are privately worried that their 15-year-old daughter will end up pregnant like Jamie Lynn Spears. Both Tish and Billy Ray Cyrus were shocked when Miley recently admitted to Ryan Seacrest on his radio show that, regarding her relationship with 20-year-old underwear model/child predator Justin Gaston, "our families are like, 'Whatever happens, happens.' "From Star magazine:

Star exclusively reported in March that Tish had a secret heart-to-heart talk with Lynne Spears during which Lynne said how she dealt with the problems caused by Jamie Lynn and Britney. And following a recent awkward moment when Billy Ray discovered Miley — who does not turn 16 until Nov. 23 — making out with Justin, her parents have raised the spectre of Jamie Lynn's fall from grace after she got pregnant last year.
"Tish and Billy Ray told Miley, one bad decision and she could forget the showbiz glamour — she'd have to be home feeding the baby, changing diapers and living the life of a teen mom," reveals an insider. (Source)

It must be hard to discipline your teen daughter when she's the breadwinner in the family. At this point Miley could probably have sex ON Billy Ray Cyrus and he won't be able to say or do a damn about it, unless it's to give Gaston tips on what turns her on (sugar cubes, in case you're wondering). I have two suggestions for Billy Ray: First, unless you want to get the Lynne Spears treatment, you'll shut your mouth and ride that gravy train for all it's worth. Second, stop calling yourself "Billy Ray." You're a grown man, for goodness' sakes. How about William, or Bill? Dumb-ass.