You don't even want to know where Tom's left hand is . . .
In an attempt to spend more alone time with him shed his growing belly and love handles, Tom Cruise has enlisted BFF David Beckham to help him lose weight. A source told The Daily Mail:
"David has been round at Tom's house a lot. While Katie and Victoria have been swapping fashion tips on the phone, David has been advising Tom on diet. Tom has a private gym at his home and David has been working out with him. He also gave him diet advice. Tom has been sticking to 1,200 calories a day, mostly grilled chicken and fish with lots of vegetables, salads and fruit. David put together a work-out regime that included the treadmill, weight training and fencing lessons together." (Source)
"Fencing lessons"? I guess that's what the kids are calling it these days. This story has to be fake since there's no way Tom is limiting his calorie intake to only "1,200" a day . . . semen alone is 1000 calories an ounce. The REAL reason Tom's been able to lose the weight: he's become bulimic . . . using David's 11th "finger"
David put together a workout regime? Is Castro running the yogilates class? Will Kim Jong Il be urging them to "make it burn"?
Sorry - that particular malaprop BUGS me. I wonder which doofus scientologist friend made it
Tom Cruise needs to get a grown-up haircut.
When is Tom going to grow a 'stache to go with his Hitler Hair?
Oh, please. Since when do legitimate workouts end in cream-pies?
Fencing, huh? I bet they cross swords a lot...
More important to me of course... Who the heck drew in Katie Holmes' dress in these photos? Was she completely naked at the party and had to have something drawn on the way they do when they run 'Showgirls' on basic cable??!? Inquiring minds want to know!