The kiss of death

Lindsay Lohan's 14-year-old sister Ali *cringe* wants to be just like her when she's older. Ali told the April issue of Teen Vogue:

"I grew up watching Lindsay. It made me want to do what she does. Just the whole vibe. Being there, being on camera, or onstage, with everybody listening to you ... it's so cool when people look up to you. I've already been asked for my autograph and it's just a really good feeling to have." (Source)

If Ali really wants to grow up to be like her sister, she needs to - (1) start sleeping with as many high school basketball teams (including the coaching staff) as possible - (2) start doing mounds and mounds of coke. With the way the Hollywood club scene is today, it's more convenient than ever to develop a crippling addiction in your early teens - and (3) "Star" in four consecutive critically panned movies to ensure her future place in equine porn. Or she could skip all that and do what Lindsay did and pose nude for a magazine *crosses fingers*. I mean when she's 18. Of course I meant that.

PICS: Lindsay and Ali Lohan at the premiere of A Prairie Home Companion in New York (6/2006)

[Getty]