Britney had breast implants

In what will surely work the 1997 version of myself into a masturbatory frenzy, Rolling Stone claims in their February issue that Britney Spears had a secret breast implant procedure done when she was in her teens that was later reversed when her boobs naturally grew. The New York Post said:

The pathetic pop tart, now locked up in a padded cell, "regretted the implants, particularly because her chest was still growing," the magazine reports. "And when her natural breasts became larger, she had the implants removed." Spears has always denied she was surgically enhanced. (Source)

If only the surgeon had messed up and removed her uterus instead of her implants. I'm not implying that Britney wouldn't have gone crazy I'm just saying at least she'd have no stretch marks and huge boobs. It also doesn't hurt that America's sense of forgiveness is directly proportional to cup size. Take Christina Aguilera for example. Remember when she got high on acid and slit that pregnant chick's throat back in '02? No? I didn't think so.

NOTE: If Britney really wanted to have something on her body surgically altered, she should have started with her brain. I know it didn't exactly work for Frankenstein, but at least his music didn't suck: