"Jessica was asleep and I grabbed her like this."

If you follow the NFL you know there's been an uproar over some photos of Dallas Cowboys' quarterback Tony Romo vacationing in Cabo San Lucas last week when many felt he should have been preparing for the Cowboys playoff game against the New York Giants (which the Cowboys lost on Sunday). An insider told the New York Daily News that it's all Jessica's dad's fault:

"Joe is well-known for his deals with the paparazzi, where the family gets a cut from the sales of the photographs. Nobody would have known that Tony was down in Mexico with Jessica if there hadn't been those pictures everywhere. So a lot of people suspect he tipped off the photographers, causing Tony this huge headache."

Simpson's rep countered on Monday:

"Joe would never sell out his daughter to the media and would never do anything to hurt his own family or for that matter, Tony. This is categorically false." (Source)

Jessica's rep is right. Joe wouldn't sell out his own daughter to the paparazzi to make a quick buck -- unless he got first choice of the pics to add to his "collection". Why do you think we've never seen a Jessica Simpson upskirt or nip slip? Because Joe's been hoarding 'em for years. You should see his bedroom ceiling. Nothing but bikini shots. It's pretty disturbing. Oh, and I've got a request for the Cowboys management. No more crying. If I wanted to see a Cowboy crying over another Cowboy last weekend I would have turned off the game and watched one of my copies of Brokeback Mountain!

QUESTION: What do you call Jessica Simpson minus the "talent," tits, gag reflex, and parents that care?

ANSWER: Paris Hilton.