Dancing with the Octogenarians

ike Walker of the National Enquirer is "breaking" the news that 74-year-old Florence Henderson is competing on the next season of Dancing with the Stars:

Folks, I'm literally dancing with joy because I've got the biggest "Dancing with the Stars" scoop since Heath Mills' wooden leg went wonky during the show - TV icon Florence Henderson, known to millions as Marcia Brady's mom, will twirl the light fantastic on the show next season . . . at the spry young age of 74! And be warned, all you contestants, Florence ain't in it for the fun. She's telling pals: "I'm determined to be the oldest woman to win this competition." (Source)

And you thought Marie Osmand's collapse last season was bad? Wait until the soiled panties variable is introduced to the show. You haven't seen the Samba until you've seen it performed by someone lacking any semblance of bowel control.