By DReaD

Kim Kardashian deserves a mention in Celebriches, due to her status as being extremely rich and a celebrity (as in celebrity nowadays means you have been arrested for at least one misdemeanor, have had a reality show on E! and made a sex tape). She complained that she had $50,000 worth of belongings stolen from right under her nose at JFK airport, which is a shame for the thief; because if whoever stole that had bothered to look under the shade cast by her butt they would have found the Lost Mines of Solomon.

Kardashian describes herself as an entrepreneur, model and actress. In other words, she posed as a French maid for an “adult film” video cover (“model”), the director offered her $50 to do a few scenes (“acting”) and when she saw how good her performance was she decided to executive produce the video as well (“entrepreneur”).

Paris Hilton is a well-known associate of Kardashian, mainly as she was tired of Nicole Richie making her look fat.

Catherine Zeta Jones was born in Swansea, a city in Wales. Her parents won $200,000 at a game of Bingo and moved to a more upper class neighborhood, to give her a better standard of life, where the only problem for the future star was being chatted up by dirty old men 25 years older than her.

Not content with the potential riches offered by Wales, Jones became a film star, raking in $10 million for Zorro and $8 million for Chicago, all the while having to avoid those dirty old directors, 25 years older than her.

She claims acting is a hobby for her, she makes her real money selling necklaces made out of shells she finds on Malibu beach. Fortunately, she managed to marry a nice young producer who can support her lifestyle, Michael Douglas, only 25 years older than her…

There are few young actresses who are more talented than Natalie Portman, but even she manages to leave the old brain for a day at the races at times whilst the rest of her is at home. She bought co-star Julia Roberts a necklace with the word “cunt” accidentally spelled out on it. What really happened is Natalie had asked the jeweler to put the meaningful acronym of “Charity Wins Under Necessary Times” on the necklace, due to her fervent support of various charities. What she didn’t realize was the jeweler had seen her performance in “The Revenge of the Sith” and was still annoyed at losing his $12 on a ticket.

George Lucas once commented that he believed Natalie Portman could be the finest actress of her generation, but it was difficult to hear what he was saying over the noise of him chasing midgets dressed as Yoda while Mark Hamill pushed his mocked-up diamond encrusted landspeeder (it was out of gas). Hamill was just grateful for the work.

Talking about Julia Roberts, although her last film “Pretty Woman 2: The Return of the Crab Infestation” tanked at the box office, she can still afford to sleep on brand new $20 bills. She has about $140 million in the bank but still refuses to shave those hirsute armpits, now if that isn’t Girl Power!

Roberts celebrated her 40th birthday last year (2007) with the knowledge that her films have grossed over $2 billion at the US box office. She could have made $3 billion, but 100 million men asked for their money back after seeing “Full Frontal” and finding out it was just a “comedy”.