Britney Spears can call her kids
The commissioner overseeing the Britney Spears custody fight ruled late yesterday that the pop star can now talk to her kids over the telephone (ruling below). Which doesn't really mean much. The only thing Britney Spears can do with a phone is order pizza. And that's only because she has 30 restaurants programmed into speed dial. When she randomly mashes the keypad with her palm, one of them always comes up. And then it's dinner time!
Britney is an afternoon special, the kind where she ends up dead at the end of it. The kind where we start off seeing her die and then the whole thing is a flashback to how it all started and what lead her to kill herself.
please for the love of god do not tell her what "oral stipulation" is...how awesome would it be if paramedics had to be called cause she tried to blow the phone in order to talk to her kids