By DReaD

Amy Winehouse – even her name is intoxicating. Amy has had so much success lately that she was able to spend $4000 just for a tent. Well she has to have somewhere to sleep when she can’t remember her way home at night. Every night.

She is currently worth around $10 million but still refuses to change her “lucky” red bra. The specially padded bra has extra pockets, you know, for tissues, lipstick, strange white powder that probably isn’t crushed Tylenol.

Although Amy does possess an extraordinarily beautiful voice, she is swiftly becoming the British Britney when it comes to erratic behavior. You know you need help when you are getting phone calls from Kentwood, Louisiana from “concerned well-wishers”.

Singer Pete Doherty is beloved by all in the UK, that is all the people who think getting so drunk you start seeing 6ft lizards playing pool with your eyeballs and taking so much heroin even Lou Reed looks nervous is a cool pastime. Doherty is an expert at mocking English traditional values; he takes his tea at 4pm instead of 3pm, wears a double-breasted suit on a Sunday (with vomit stains) and once voted for the Green Party, the bounder!

Pete thought he was so rich he could afford to cheat on former supermodel girlfriend Kate Moss, who is worth over $30 million. Actually, if you listen carefully at night you can actually hear Pete sobbing into his pillow as he realizes not long ago he was shacked up with one of the world’s most famous and richest supermodels and now he has to bum cigarettes off the old lady that stinks of piss and lives behind the VD clinic offering hand-jobs for a buck and a bottle of fortified wine… or as he likes to call her, the “ex”.

Fortunately, he will soon make his riches back when he releases his magnificent solo album, “Noises I Heard As The Ambulance Came To Get Me”. Apparently on this record it is actually possible to make out some of the words he is singing, just not in the right order… and out of tune.

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