Celebslam: They're Better Than Us: October 2007 Archives

Just like Britney’s career!

Robert Goulet (1933-2007)

Actor Robert Goulet died today in a Los Angeles hospital. He was 73.

Naomi Campbell is still a bitch

Naomi Campbell

Supermodel Naomi Campbell threw a fit yesterday at Heathrow Airport after showing up late for her transatlantic flight. After first being denied entry onto the plane, Campbell was finally allowed to board but told her bags would have to be put on another flight. According to sources, the supermodel yelled:

"You are joking. You are always losing bags and I don't trust you with mine in a million years." Naomi dressed in tight jeans and a silver-grey bomber jacket, waved her arms in a fury and said: "I can't believe you won't allow ME on your flight. What is this? Who must I speak to?" The supermodel, who has admitted attending anger-management classes, was offered a seat on a later BA flight to New York - but she stormed off.
Naomi was booked to travel alone on BA flight 177 to JFK airport at 1.40pm. Her chauffeur-driven silver Mercedes 500 Series arrived at 1.29pm. An airport source told the Mirror yesterday: "When BA staff explained she was too late, she exploded and stamped her foot. There was a tirade of abuse" (Source)

What has our society come to if a has-been, coked-out ex-con can't get the service and privileges she demands? So a couple a hundred other people are delayed to accommodate one person--who cares--they were probably ugly anyways. What were they gonna be late for? The appointment they had to sit on their ass all day and not date? Besides, it's not like ugly people have feelings. The soulless bastards.

NOTE: I reserve the right to use that opening sentence in a future Britney Spears' story

Fergie’s boyfriend wants kids

When asked by a reporter if she wants kids, Fergie replied, "Neigh"

Fergie's longtime boyfriend, Las Vegas star Josh Duhamel, revealed in a recent interview with OK! magazine that he wants kids with the pop star . . . which would be cool and all if Fergie was 1/10 as attractive as the media would have you believe. But she's not so, alas, we're left to make fun of the situation. Duhamel told OK!:

"I've got a lot of friends with kids. Two of my friends have three kids. They all have kids except for me — so I got to get on the horse!" (Source)

Weird, I was gonna use that same line about the horse . . .

Madonna and Tupac? WTF?

"Me Madonna, me strong"

Madonna almost had a kid with Tupac, so says author Lucy O'Brien in her new book Madonna: Like an Icon (on sale today). The New York Daily News reports:

Can you imagine the child of Madonna and Tupac Shakur? O'Brien says Madonna, in her mid-30s, "desperately wanted children and had various relationships with unlikely men." The singer's friend Alison Clarkson recalls when she was briefly dating Tupac Shakur, one year before his death. "She was going out with him . . . but homegirls were saying to him, 'I can't believe you're going out with a white girl,'" - so she got dumped! (Source)

Can I imagine what their kid would look like? Sure. How 'bout this? As for the line about Madonna's "various relationships with unlikely men." How could someone write that about Sandra Bernhard? I know she's ugly and I know she and Madonna were a rumored item in the late 80s/early 90s, but that's disgusting journalism, a real low blow. Does Sandra not have feelings? Does she not weep? Does she not bleed like you, me, and mouthy hookers. On a side note, that collective sigh of relief you're hearing is coming from Jose Canseco, Vanilla Ice, and 3/4 of the Laker's 1992 roster who are happy THEY never got Madonna knocked up . . . one of the benefits of insisting on anal.

Lunch with Jennifer Love Hewitt

Jennifer Love Hewitt

Jennifer Love Hewitt shopping at Lisa Kline in Beverly Hills this weekend

The Today Show got punked

The Today Show anchors pranked by caller

A prankster managed to get through on a conference call held by The Today Show to promote their new segment "The End of the Earth." Matt Lauer, Ann Curry, and Al Roker were all on hand but the caller targeted Curry first:

"Did you get your last name because your [bleep] smells like Mediterranean food?" One source said, "[the prankster] was immediately dropped from the call. But somehow, he got back on the call using another name." The lewd interloper then asked Lauer, "Can you [bleep] your own [bleep]?" With that, the conference call was shut down. (Source)

I've often wondered if Matt Lauer could [bleep] his own [bleep]. He just has that look about him. I knew a guy back in college who could [bleep] his own [bleep] AND [bleep] his own [bleep] at the same time! You should have seen it, it was pretty incredible. The best I've done is [bleep] this random guy at the bus stop's [bleep] but that was with fourteen beers in me.

Hayden Panettiere almost got arrested

Hayden Panettiere

Along with a group of professional surfers, actresses, models, and some hippie chick dressed as a mermaid, Hayden Panettiere participated in a traditional paddle-out ceremony in Japan over the weekend to honor the thousands of dolphins killed each year at the notorious killing cove in Taiji which I guess can get you arrested or something. A press release issued by the group said:

In a moving mid-afternoon ritual under grey rainy skies, with local Taiji fishermen and police scrutinizing the group, Rastovich formed the surfers in a circle over the placid waters of the small scenic cove and asked each to say a small prayer of remembrance for their fellow waveriders. An estimated 25,000 dolphins and porpoises each year are slaughtered by Japanese fishermen, either harvested for their meat in annual drives or captured for sale to marine and captive swim parks.
The Taiji fishermen, who defend the kills as part of their traditional fishing culture, had planned to stop the ceremony through force and police arrest. The possibility of a locally led resistance was averted by a dramatic last-minute turnaround. Rastovich was able to broker a meeting with area locals less than 12 hours before the paddle-out crew arrived unannounced at the killing cove. (Source)

Just once in my life I'd like to do my part for marine conservation without being hassled by a locally led resistance. And I know my outward appearance can be pretty intimidating what with the abs and biceps and whatnot, but I'm just there to help the dolphins, not to cause trouble . . . to be truthful though, sometimes I curse my empathetic nature and can-do spirit but, dammit, if not me then who else? With that said, I gotta wrap things up early today. The soup kitchen opens pretty soon (I like to be first in line) and I still have to drop off all these bottles I collected at the annual neighborhood recycling drive.

God hates Britney

Britney Spears Blackout controversy

Britney Spears' new album Blackout has been on sale for ~8 hours and it's already causing controversy. The Catholic Church is up in arms over some pictures in the album booklet that show Britney seducing a priest in a confessional. Bill Donohue, president of the New York-based Catholic League, told the New York Daily News:

"This is all the puzzle pieces coming together. This girl is crashing. She's not even allowed to bring up her own kids because she's not responsible enough. Now we see she can't even entertain." (Source)

Very shrewd move by Britney to piss off the Catholic Church and its millions of followers. Because you can't have an ol' fashioned CD burning if you don't buy the CD first. You ever wondered why there were so many Jewish pop stars on the Billboard charts of the early '40s? Hitler used to hold CD burnings in the town square every weekend. Launched many a career.

Britney’s album drops today

Britney Spears Blackout on sale today

Britney Spears new album Blackout officially goes on sale today. The deluxe edition will set you back $12.97 on Amazon.com but that does include a rib bib and a"reachin' fork" which, according to Britney is "good fer reachin'!"

NOTE: Here's Britney as a sexy pirate last night in LA. I'm not gonna say this is the worst costume I've ever seen but I could probably come up with something better if you gave me some math homework.