Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller

Charlie Sheen loves his fiancée Brooke Mueller so much he's getting all of his tattoos lasered off. Weird . . . the last time I cheated on my fiancée with five hookers at the same time I, too, felt guilty and had all my tattoos removed. Probably just a coincidence. The New York Post says:

Charlie Sheen is so serious about fiancée Brooke Mueller, he's promised to remove his 13 tattoos, which she hates. Sheen, who spent his early years partying hard and bedding a bevy of actresses, doesn't remember getting some of the gruesome tats, including a dragon with glasses and a stingray on his left ankle. A wooden sign nailed to his chest above his heart reads, "Back in 15 minutes." That one was originally meant to be an ashtray, he said, but went horribly wrong. Sheen can't even remember the year he got it. One tattoo he's already had lasered off is the "Denise," for ex-wife Denise Richards, on his left wrist. (Source)

Are tattoos really the most undesirable items Charlie needs removed? I'd think syphilis, gonorrhea, and herpes would be higher. I heard Charlie's crotch is so contaminated, Hans Blix classified it as a weapon of mass destruction! As a matter of fact, the CDC once quarantined Charlie's house for fear of a pandemic. You know that movie Outbreak--roughly based on Charlie's junk. Also, a little known fact is that in Namibia, the word Ebola roughly translates into "Charlie Sheen." Look it up.