Lindsay Lohan gave a statement to Access Hollywood's Billy Bush yesterday in which she proclaimed her innocence to something and denied the cocaine police found in her pocket was actually hers:

"Yes. I am innocent... did not do drugs they're not mine. I was almost hit by my assistant Tarin's mom. I appreciate everyone giving me my privacy." (Source)

Lindsay's guilty alright, guilty of bringing us too much joy over the years with her kick-ass movies. We shouldn't be locking her up--even for her second DUI in two months--we should be throwing her a parade and giving her the keys to the city ... and my heart ... if she hadn't already stolen it years ago with her performance as Hallie Parker and Annie James in Disney's The Parent Trap. On DVD now.