Actually her husband, David, has more money than you. But Victoria is certainly doing a bang up job in spending it. In Touch magazine reports on the half-million-dollar closet she designed for her new L.A. home:
It supposedly features a leather floor, Baccarat crystal chandelier, $80,000 Andy Warhol shoe print, a computer that tracks when she wears items of clothing and a camera to give her a 360-degree "cat scan" of her outfit before she steps out. (Source)
$500k! And I got pissed off at my wife last week when she bought Charmin toilet paper instead of the store brand. Don't get me wrong, that stuff is soft--squeezably soft--but reckless purchases like that means overtime at the mill for you know who. I know I shouldn't have hit her but that's how Dad taught me to solve conflicts.
UPDATE: I've been getting some hate mail about that last comment. I apologize, I should have been more clear. It was an open-handed slap. Trust me though, that bitch still got the point.
Remember Daisy Fuentes? I know, I thought she died years ago, too. Well here she is getting drunk on vacation somewhere. Because alcohol and swimming mix so well. Combine them and the impossible seems possible ... like drowning in three feet of water.
Don't worry, I've never heard of her either. I guess she works for MSNBC or something. Anyways she was supposed to lead with the Paris Hilton story yesterday during her news update but accidentally tore it up and put it in a paper shredder. Oops!
Of course Mika's playing this all wrong. You must embrace Paris Hilton. Because without Paris we wouldn't get to use fun terms like "gaping," "bottomless," and "nine on one."
Lindsay Lohan's father, Michael, appeared in a Nassau County Family Court on Monday to request visitation rights with his two youngest children, Ali and Cody. After the judge ordered the Lohan patriarch to be gradually reunited with the kids in a hippy-sounding process called "therapeutic reunification," he issued the following statement to the press (via FishbowlNY):
"I look forward to order being restored to the chaos that our family life has become. Lyndsay, Michael, Ali and Cody need stability and both of their parents in their lives. I am anxious to spend time with them and end this cruel, needless separation."
— Michael Lohan
Yeah you read that correctly. He misspelled Lindsay's name. Lindsay. His daughter. Misspelled her name. I hope the judge can revoke those visitation rights. With Michael's gross lack of parenting skills, he'll probably take Cody and Ali out for a day at the beach and they'll both somehow catch on fire.
According to the latest issue of the National Enquirer (Editor's Note: They're never wrong!), Britney Spears plans to stop divorce proceedings and reunite with her estranged husband Kevin Federline. During a recent phone conversation, Spears reportedly told a "stunned" Federline that she would not divorce him because she "wants [her] family back." More from Jeannette Walls at MSNBC:
The troubled pop star has been telling friends that filing for divorce from her former backup dancer — he filed a counter-petition — was a mistake. Although he had suspected that Spears has been stalling on the legalities of the split because of second thoughts, Federline was still shocked when she dropped the bombshell, a "source close to the couple" said.
The phone conversation, which was about custody rights, grew heated and Federline said he wasn't interested in a reconciliation, the source told the tab. But Spears became upset and threatened to drag out the divorce for months "until he saw things her way and came back to her." (Source)
Kevin's got a tough choice here. He can get back together with a washed-up, unattractive, headshaving psycho *or* he can take his multi-million dollar divorce settlement to Vegas and wear out strippers for the next two decades. To recap: Crazy, whacked-out, stretchmark-riddled mom with two kids vs. smoking-hot, fresh-out-of-high-school, silicone-implanted stripper who's still under the illusion she's showing her tits every night because she needs to "raise money for school" ... Oh how ever will he decide?
Paris Hilton sat down with People magazine yesterday for an exclusive photoshoot and interview. Regarding her first few nights in jail, Paris revealed:
"I was basically in the fetal position, basically in hysterics."
I thought she was in hysterics the weekend before she went to jail? That's that thing where you put your ankles behind your head, right?
Anyways here's Paris explaining the medical problems she was experiencing that led to her eventual release:
"The doctors were observing me while I was there. They explained to Sheriff [Lee] Baca that they thought I was having severe anxiety, panic attacks, claustrophobia." (Source)
And here's sheriff Lee Baca:
"Our doctors said we had no solution to Hilton's medical problems. None. As a sheriff in this county, I'm not going to let any inmate die in this jail." (Source)
I love it when celebrities use their kids to make political points. In this case we have Rosie O'Donnell's daughter Vivienne wearing a [live] ammunition belt I'm sure to protest the War in Iraq or something. Though maybe I'm being a bit unfair. Maybe little Vivienne is just fed up with the Bush Administration's marginalizing foreign policy and its repudiation of the multilateralism that flowered in the post World War II. Yeah, I'm sure that's it.
Caught Lindsay Lohan on Gmail chat a few minutes. She's kinda in a cranky mood today. Maybe she's still pissed about the last email I sent her? Or maybe she's a little apprehensive about turning 21 next Monday. Regarding Lindsay's upcoming birthday, People magazine said:
[Lindsay's mother] Dina said she and her family will head west for Lindsay's 21st birthday on July 2. She didn't say where the celebration will be held - a previously scheduled party in Las Vegas was canceled [after Lindsay entered the Promises Rehab Center] - but her security guard Ty Dux said, "It won't be on the Promises premises." (Source)
No fair, I wish my security guard talked in Dr. Seuss riddles! I wonder if she has to pay extra?
