Uhhhh ... ummmmm .... seriously, nothing I write could possibly be as hilarious as a drunken David Hasselhoff eating food off the ground. Normally alcoholism isn't that funny. It destroys families and tears apart communities. But in this instance, it's OK to laugh. Because he's famous.

UPDATE: The Hoff released a statement to The Insider:

"I am a recovering alcoholic. Despite that I have been going through a painful divorce and I have recently been separated from my children due to my work, I have been successfully dealing with my issue. Unfortunately, one evening I did have a brief relapse, but part of recovery is relapse. Because of my honest and positive relationship with my daughters who were concerned for my well being there was a tape made that night to show me what I was like. I have seen the tape. I have learned from it and I am back on my game. I thank God for the love and concern from my daughters. The tape was never meant to become public, but got into the hands of individuals who are not worthy of mentioning, who maliciously released the tape for their own self purpose. I hope that someone else will learn from the tape, as I have."