Lindsay Lohan was photographed yesterday in New York carrying around a self help book written by her Georgia Rule costar Felicity Huffman. Amazon.com describes A Practical Handbook for the Boyfriend: For Every Guy Who Wants to Be One/For Every Girl Who Wants to Build One as:
Directed at men (though of course it’s women who’ll buy it, then leave it at their boyfriend’s place -- accidentally on purpose), A Practical Handbook for the Boyfriend lays out the many steps involved in becoming a good boyfriend, while still maintaining guy-dignity. It covers issues like:
- Who decides when you become a boyfriend (answer: She does.)
- How to look like you’re listening, even when you’re not (If you’re busted, just say "You’re so pretty, I’m distracted.")
- Ten things never to say on the first date (#4: "I just did that to freak you out.")
- Finding the middle ground between too cool (think third grade) and too eager (think surprise visits)
- Why becoming a good boyfriend is a lot like training for the A team
Strangely absent: Exactly how to react when my bitch doesn't have dinner on the table when I get home from work (yet again!). Do I use an open hand or a closed fist? I want to drive my point home with the closed fist but I'm afraid about the potential bruising. My father taught me when I was a young boy that bruises inevitably lead to questions. And there's only so many times the nice shiner under my wife's eye can be chocked up to a clumsy fall down the stairs. Felicity Huffman, these are the questions today's modern male needs answered. In other words, I scoff at your worthless book.
When my bitch ain't got dinner on the table when I get home from bar hopping, I backhand her across the chops. By that I mean, I give her flowers and candy for still being there.
Thank you baby.
Today, how to transport cocaïne with Lindsay Lohan in three steps:
1. Take the most improbable book so everyone can't think about anything else.
2. Cut a big hole inside the pages. Story's shit anyway.
3. Safely store and carry your coke.
.
Tomorrow is Britney with her hat. A classic.
Nick, allow me to introduce you to the great philosfizer, "Iron" Mike Tyson. Master Tyson said that he kept his ho's in place by punching them about the skull, in the hair area. No woman wants to shave her head to show bruises. Why, I have my woman in check to the point that her eyes don't well up when I have to pop her eardrum. She knows she deserved it, and she thanks me for the education. Scouts honor.
well if your "bitch" doesn't make you dinner, make it yourself..
so, it's ok to hit a woman,huh? what if your mother was treated the same way, would that be ok?
you all are a bunch of wimps. a relationship consist of two people. If she has to respect your wishes , you have to respect her wishes. Not everyones gonna agree with you, and if you guys believe your right then your pretty naiv. Be man for god sakes! or are you guys afraid someones gonna say something smart back atcha!
well, the o'great master tyson is currently single , because his wife left him..
in my opinion YOU deserve to be beaten up.. if you love your wife you wouldn't treat her like that ! it's because of men like you women shelters excist.
honey: Let me make myself clear, I would NEVER hit a woman. Verbal abuse is my thing. No marks.
Nick
Editor
Celebslam.com
Honey - Geez girl, get a grip. It's all a joke. It's sarcasm. I'm sorry if I brought up old memories.
lol honey needs to take a class on internet sarcasm.
verbal abuse? your wife must be in an shitty marriage. So verbal abuse makes it better, huh? it still shows your lack of respect towards women..
what about her feelings? do u even know if your words hurt her?
verbal abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse. she probably has marks, you just don't see them.
bastard..
I'm sorry, Honey. I was only kiddin. Sometimes I will take a joke too far. And you're right, abuse is almost never funny. On behalf of Nick, Master and Commander of Celebslam, I apologize to all women who don't know how to bob and weave.
She's probably only reading it because her Georgia Rule costar, Felicity Huffman, wrote the book. It's either intentional publicity for Felicity or Lindsay genuinely wants to read her book.
i just love how people take everything so seriously! have you really not learned what sarcasm is? if i didn't have the meal ready on the table, i'd expect to get slapped...as a man's bitch, that's my job!