March 2007 Nude Pictures, Naked Photos, Sex Tape Rumors, Nip Slip, Upskirt, Topless News

Thora Birch (that chick from Ghost World, American Beauty, and Patriot Games) has a really supportive father. As in Joesimpsonesque supportive. Errrrr creepy, I meant creepy. While his daughter was filming a sex scene for the upcoming The Winter of Frozen Dreams, Jack Birch forced his way onto the closed set and demanded to watch. From today's New York Post:

"It was so wrong. The director is saying, 'Harder! Faster!' and the father is giving Winters the thumbs up." ... Her dad, who "looks like Charles Manson" in a "full-length leather coat and wraparound sunglasses, even at night" ... Jack Birch was on the set every day giving orders - even telling director Eric Mandelbaum where to place his camera so that Thora would look her best ... Mandelbaum was about to shoot the first sex scene Monday when, "all of a sudden, the front door is being kicked in. Her father was threatening to kill the assistant directors. Then he threatens to pull her from the movie with three days of shooting left."... Making matters worse, a problem with the focus on the camera necessitated 14 takes. "It was the most bizarre, perverse scene," said our witness. "One girl on the crew broke down crying."

To be fair to Thora's father, she does have a big rack. Like really big. Like damn I better Google this chick's name in the hopes she's done a nude scene before big (she has, pic here). And really what is "father" but some meaningless term society throws around so men feel bad about catching a glimpse of their buxom 16-year-old daughter walking out of the shower. WELL SCREW YOU SOCIETY--if my daughter doesn't want me looking at her, she shouldn't wear such a sexy towel.

Even though DJ AM (aka Adam Goldstein) has been linked with numerous women recently--including model Jessica Stam (boner bonus gallery below), he's not over ex-flame Mandy Moore (she dumped his skinny ass just a few weeks ago). A "spy" told the New York Post:

"AM was really in love with Mandy but they just had such different lifestyles, and they couldn't make it work." (Source)

Sounds like my last relationship. Me, a handsome ex-con, spirit broken by years of abuse at the hands of an out-of-control warden; she, a rich Southern Belle bored with high society, inexperienced in the ways of love and passion. But could these two opposites make their love work? Actually no, she was a bitch.

ex-flame Mandy Moore (she dumped his skinny ass just a few weeks ago). A "spy" told the New York Post:

"AM was really in love with Mandy but they just had such different lifestyles, and they couldn't make it work." (Source)

Sounds like my last relationship. Me, a handsome ex-con, spirit broken by years of abuse at the hands of an out-of-control warden; she, a rich Southern Belle bored with high society, inexperienced in the ways of love and passion. But could these two opposites make their love work? Actually no, she was a bitch.

ex-flame Mandy Moore (she dumped his skinny ass just a few weeks ago). A "spy" told the New York Post:

"AM was really in love with Mandy but they just had such different lifestyles, and they couldn't make it work." (Source)

Sounds like my last relationship. Me, a handsome ex-con, spirit broken by years of abuse at the hands of an out-of-control warden; she, a rich Southern Belle bored with high society, inexperienced in the ways of love and passion. But could these two opposites make their love work? Actually no, she was a bitch.

ex-flame Mandy Moore (she dumped his skinny ass just a few weeks ago). A "spy" told the New York Post:

"AM was really in love with Mandy but they just had such different lifestyles, and they couldn't make it work." (Source)

Sounds like my last relationship. Me, a handsome ex-con, spirit broken by years of abuse at the hands of an out-of-control warden; she, a rich Southern Belle bored with high society, inexperienced in the ways of love and passion. But could these two opposites make their love work? Actually no, she was a bitch.

ex-flame Mandy Moore (she dumped his skinny ass just a few weeks ago). A "spy" told the New York Post:

"AM was really in love with Mandy but they just had such different lifestyles, and they couldn't make it work." (Source)

Sounds like my last relationship. Me, a handsome ex-con, spirit broken by years of abuse at the hands of an out-of-control warden; she, a rich Southern Belle bored with high society, inexperienced in the ways of love and passion. But could these two opposites make their love work? Actually no, she was a bitch.

ex-flame Mandy Moore (she dumped his skinny ass just a few weeks ago). A "spy" told the New York Post:

"AM was really in love with Mandy but they just had such different lifestyles, and they couldn't make it work." (Source)

Sounds like my last relationship. Me, a handsome ex-con, spirit broken by years of abuse at the hands of an out-of-control warden; she, a rich Southern Belle bored with high society, inexperienced in the ways of love and passion. But could these two opposites make their love work? Actually no, she was a bitch.

More of Jessica after the jump...

From today's New York Daily News: Which pop megastar celebrated his visit to NYC last week with an east Village gogo dancer and gay-for-pay rent boy? "He was fat, completely hairless and doesn't really like being touched," says the young gentleman.

Just ran across this clip of noted joke-thief Carlos Mencia getting caught yet again stealing jokes from another comedian. This time, Bill Cosby's the target. Bill Freaking Cosby. Stealing jokes from that lovable guy is like shaking down a girl scout for her lunch money. It's only fun and immensely satisfying if you don't get caught.

Entourage star Jeremy Piven has been banned from all Nobu Matsuhisa restaurants after acting like a complete ass at Matsuhisa Aspen during the recent US Comedy Arts Festival (if you've never been to Nobu, it's much like your favorite local sushi restaurant but with more zeroes on the end of the check). According to a "snitch":

"[Piven] came in with a large group of 12 or more without reservations and asked for a table. It was a very busy night, but a table, although cramped, was provided. On his way out, he made a nasty comment to the manager: 'Thanks for nothing.' He left a DVD of the first year of 'Entourage' to one of the waiters. [An employee] ran up the stairs and hurled it at him as he was leaving." (Source)

Shouldn't the waiter have been fired or something? I've never worked at a restaurant but I'm pretty sure they teach you on the first day to not throw tips back at the customers. Unless they leave you one of those cool Nerf footballs. I mean, c'mon, how could you not throw one of those things. An unthrown Nerf football is like a flower that never receives sunlight. Oh that's a good one, write that down.

According to Russell Simmons--the billionaire co-founder of Def Jam Records--money doesn't buy happiness (that's what all the rich people say to keep us poors at bay). Simmons wrote in his just-released memoir Do You:

"If I know 15 billionaires, then I know 13 unhappy people. These people's lives might be filled with mansions and yachts and private jets, but their medicine cabinets are also filled with antidepressants." (Source)

So you can tell how rich someone is just by looking in their medicine cabinet? Interesting ... I guess the empty bottle of designer cologne, anti-itch cream, and fungal lotion puts me firmly into the "one hundredaire" category (don't let the expensive cologne throw you off-that's where I hide my food stamps). On a completely unrelated note that really has nothing to do with the story but I wanted to tell you anyways because I think you and I have that type of relationship now, my last girlfriend/hooker/cleaning lady's suggestion that bleach would clear up anal warts was not entirely accurate ... although I do look a lot better in some of my more recent drunken homemade porn movies "art films"

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say alcohol was a contributing factor to this hook-up between two very well known celebs over the weekend. From today's New York Daily News:

Bruce Willis celebrated turning 52 last week, and one of his presents was a makeout session with Courtney Love. The unlikely couple were spotted in flagrante canoodle March 19 at the Roxy nightclub on Sunset Blvd. "They were full-on making out," laughs a witness. The venue was packed for a 9 p.m. performance by boozy Brit rocker Amy Winehouse.

Bruce had to be black-out drunk to kiss Courtney Love, right? "Wait, wait, wait, I made out with who? Ahhhh crap!" had to be the first thing out of his mouth when he picked up Monday's Daily News. And then maybe a few gargled screams as the bleach he was chugging to stave off courtneyloveinfection slowly made its way down his trachea.

Jessica Biel walking her dog in Los Angeles

More of Jessica after the jump...

Fresh off his break up with Mischa Barton, Cisco Adler may be back with ex-girlfriend Kimberly Stewart. The two were seen partying together at a "relive your college days" theme party thrown by Details magazine in New York City over the weekend. A New York Post "spy" reveals:

Stewart and the Whitestarr frontman "looked totally cozy, just like in the old days," says our spy. As you'll remember, Kimberly, daughter of Rod Stewart, got a tattoo reading, "Daddy's Little Girl Loves Cisco." After their breakup, she changed it to say, "Daddy's Little Girl Loves Disco." (Source)

If I could pass on one piece of advice to all my young readers, it's this: for God's sake don't get a tattoo of your girlfriend/boyfriend's name anywhere on your body. I made the mistake a few years ago when I was dating this girl named Kelly. I got this dragon tattoo that kinda looked like her name if you tilted your head to just the right angle and squinted your eyes. It was such a pain in the ass when we broke up. You know how hard it is to change a dragon tattoo into a "Kelly is a Stupid Bitch" tattoo? It was worth the trouble though, I think it came out really classy.*

*no, no it didn't

Broward County authorities revealed Monday that Anna Nicole Smith--surprise, surprise--died of a drug overdose. Tests done on Anna's body revealed nine different prescriptions drugs in her system. NINE. A "major factor" in her death was chloral hydrate, a drug used to treat insomnia and alcohol withdrawal, relieve anxiety, and ease post-surgery pain. One of the sexy, "contributing causes" to Anna's death was abscesses on her butt caused by "injections and and an intestinal inflammation." Chief Medical Examiner Dr. Joshua Perper revealed at a news conference:

"The cause of death was combined drug intoxication. It looks like she died of natural causes." (Source)

Wait, what? The guy just said in the previous sentence that Anna died from "combined drug intoxication." Umm, having nine different kinds of drugs in your system doesn't sound that natural to me. Unless we're talking about my Grandma. They used to call her the "medicine cabinet" back in High School. They also used to call her "Cucumber Mary" but, trust me, it's best I don't go into the details behind that one.