Details of a "credible" plot to kidnap Angelina's newly adopted son Pax emerged today. According to the newest issue of Life & Style magazine, a gang experienced in kidnapping and extortion planned to snatch Pax upon his arrival to the United States and hold him until a $100 million ransom was paid. According to an "insider" close to Angelina and Brad's security team:
"They're highly skilled operatives with little regard for human life." Though the couple have faced kidnapping threats before, this particular menace was deemed "credible and serious" - and was, apparently, foiled before any harm could come to the child. Meanwhile, reports L&S, Brad has installed a $500,000 security system in the home the couple bought in New Orleans, and what's more, the house is just a block away from a police precinct. (Source)
$100 million? LOL! What kind of retarded kidnappers ask for $100 million? They might as well have asked for $900 cajillion and the Atlantic Ocean. How do you not laugh when kidnappers tell you they want that much money ... "No, please I'll pay you whatever, just return Pax unharmed ... wait, what? ... 100 what? ... $100 million? ... as in dollars? ... Hah! Just take the damn kid, I'm not even attached to him yet. I'll just buy a new one next week."
At least according to this month's issue of Woman's Day magazine, she might be (I've already devoured my issue). The supposed pregnancy comes after months of effort including fertility treatment. An "overjoyed friend" told the magazine:
"Nicole and Keith are having a baby. They've been riding on clouds since they got the news. Nicole's been hoping for this since the day they got married. Everyone knows how she's been aching to have a baby. It's all she's been talking about for ages." (Source)
I'm calling bullshit on this story. First of all Nicole is way too white, she's like a damn ghost. I don't know why that would prevent her from becoming pregnant but I feel like it should somehow. And second of all Keith's hair is way too long. According to my Dad, guys like that are too busy burning draft cards and smoking pot to make babies.
If you can understand what the hell Sean Penn was talking about at an anti-war rally in Oakland over the weekend, you're a better man than me:
"We cower as you point your fingers telling us to support our troops. You and the smarmy pundits in your pocket - those who bathe in the moisture of your soiled and blood-soaked underwear - can take that noise and shove it." (Source)
Soiled and blood-soaked underwear? Yikes, I just had a flashback to my first day of high school. I'll never forget the looks of horror across everyone's faces, followed half-a-second later by the laughing--I swear teachers can be so cruel sometimes. High school was effectively ruined for me after the "incident" on that first day ... "soiled and blood-soaked underwear guy" is kind of a tough label to shake.
Looks like supermodel Petra Nemcova and below-average-looking-even-if-you- only-compare-him-to-other-bad-looking-guys singer James Blunt have finally split up. Though breakup rumors seem to pop up every few months for these two, the separation looks legit this time. According to a source "very close to Blunt":
"They split in February. It's very amicable. They remain good friends." (Source)
And who's moving in on the now single Blunt? None other than Lindsay Lohan:
The unlikely pair were recently spotted together on three occasions in L.A.: At Teddy's Wednesday night, then Lohan's place very late Wednesday night and early Thursday morning, and finally the singer's hotel room around 3 a.m. Saturday morning. (Source)
If being connected to every famous dude in Hollywood was some sort of pro sport, Lindsay would be an all star. She's like the Hank Aaron of blowing famous dudes.
I took all of one day for another story about Jeremy Piven acting like a complete douche at a restaurant to come out. This time Piven was a dick to the hostess at the Off Vine restaurant in Hollywood because she couldn't find him a table on Valentine's Day. According to a source:
"Believe it or not, he used the 'Don't you know who I am?' line. He proceeded to berate [the hostess] about her treatment of him." Piven allegedly left in a huff, "but not before slamming her about her working in a restaurant." (Source)
Using the "Don't you know who I am?" line is pretty much the sole reason I want to become a celebrity. I tried using it last week on the maître d' of this fancy French restaurant downtown but he just gave me a weird look and muttered something about being dressed inappropriately. "I'll have you know these jean shorts were made from the finest imported denim," I snapped back at him
Lindsay Lohan continued her "Post-Rehab Bar Hop Tour 2007" (someone make a t-shirt for that) at Hollywood hot spot Les Deux late last week. All was going well until Lindsay started feeling a little bit queasy:
Lohan was dancing in the booth with DJ Samantha Ronson when, spies say, she "put down her drink and ran to the bathroom." Lohan was "drinking and dancing like a nut behind Samantha. She was screaming into the mic at the end of the night."
Lohan's rep told Page Six, "The only truth to this story is that Lindsay was deejaying with Samantha." (Source)
Later in the article, Lindsay's rep added, "Also true is that a certain writer of a certain celebrity gossip website has a body that looks like it was fashioned by the hands of God himself." Damn this chick needs to get over me. I swear, you abruptly cut off all communication with a women you've been dating for three years and suddenly she gets all "stalkery" on you.
Not that you care or anything but we finally have confirmation on who took Paris Hilton's virginity: Randy Spelling (aka Tori Spelling's brother). From the New York Daily News:
The gaping question of who took the virginity of Paris Hilton has finally been answered. "Randy was Paris' number one," agent David Weintraub told us, "and her number 50 and number 150."
"We were together for like two months," Spelling told us. "We went to Palm Springs once for the weekend, and we couldn't check into the hotel under her name because her grandma was looking for her. She was like 15; I was 17. And what do you know, I hear this knock-knock-knock on the door, and I look out and her grandma's there. And then I look out the window and I see Paris in a full-on dress with a suitcase running down the golf course. We broke up like a week later." (Source)
The use of "gaping" was intentional, right? Because that's what immediately comes to mind when I think of Paris Hilton (much like "4th of July" and "apple pie" or "high school softball tryouts" and "binoculars"). Actually, sometimes when I hear the word gaping I think back to that magical night in Tijuana when I lost my virginity for 27 pesos and a pack of cigarettes. Ohh, to be 11 and full of so much youthful vigor again.
By the way Randy, don't be proud of being Paris' numbers 1, 50, and 150. For a chick that doesn't sleep with her feet strapped into the stirrups of a gynecological chair, *maybe* it'd be an accomplishment.
While practicing for a charity race to promote his new movie Redline on Monday, comedian Eddie Griffin destroyed a rare Enzo Ferrari (only 400 ever made). The owner of the car, executive producer of Redline Daniel Sadek, had mixed feelings about the accident:
"I'm glad Eddie came out of the crash OK, but my dream car got destroyed. I went to my trailer for about 15 minutes and I thought, there's people dying every day. A lot of worse things are happening in the world."
After the accident, Griffin admitted:
"Undercover Brother's good at karate and all the rest of that, but the brother can't drive," (Source)
Hey DICK, how 'bout you stop with the jokes and show a little humility? You just destroyed a $1.5 million car. At least offer to become his concubine or something. It's the least you could do.
BONUS: Check out the dude behind the barrier that Griffin crashes into. Guy doesn't even flinch. Reminds me a lot of myself back in 'Nam when I singlehandedly wiped out that entire NVA company. My weapon of choice? Pure wit.
