David Beckham angered his wife Victoria the other night at Nobu in London. The two were sitting near former muscular tranny model Kelly Killoren Bensimon (above) and David simply couldn't keep his eyes off of her. According to a witness:
"Beckham was straining his neck to check Kelly out the entire time. Everyone at her table was commenting on it. Finally, Posh got up and left, and she barely ate anything."
No shit Victoria/Posh barely ate anything. You don't achieve a weight of 87 pounds by actually eating. Just like you don't achieve a reputation as a crime-fighting badass without taking out a motorcycle gang or two ... I lied, it was four.
Remember Lance Bass training to go to the International Space Station a few years ago? The mission never got off the ground so to speak. Well Jackass star Bam Margera commemorated the failed mission via a painting in his garage. According to a visitor to Bam's West Chester, PA home:
"There's a big portrait of Lance in an astronaut uniform, smiling broadly and holding his helmet proudly. In the background is a NASA shuttle ascending to space on a giant rainbow."argera confirmed it was Bass to friends, saying: "Hell yeah! The guy from 'N Sync who wanted to go to outer space, but never made it and was all gay and shit!" (Source)
Of course Bam Margera's not gay. Plenty of straight dudes have hobbies that include beating up their naked father while he's taking a dump, hanging out with dudes who staple their scrotum to their thigh, and watching their friends use their penis as snake-bait. And really, what straight guy wouldn't marry a chick that looked like a tranny?
Elizabeth Hurley at Elton John's 60th Birthday Party in New York City over the weekend
More of Elizabeth after the jump...
Heather Locklear has been on a bit of a spending spree lately. Even though she gets to keep the $6 million house she shared with ex-husband Richie Sambora, the former Melrose Place star just purchased a $1.25 million Beverly Hills condo. And she's also buying a lot of useless crap for rumored boyfriend David Spade. From Mike Walker of the National Enquirer:
And although hubba-hubba Heather's coyly denying a hot 'n' heavy hookup with David Spade, My Spies tell me she's showering the diminutive dude with thou$and$ of bling-things like golden skulls with diamond-eyes, bracelets and necklaces. And shoe lifts. (Source)
I totally added that last line. After all we are talking about David Spade. He's got Gary Coleman beat by like two inches--though below the belt it's probably a different story (I have it on good authority that Gary swings the lumber). If I would have known Heather was into short has-beens with dumpy bodies, I'd have given her my sister-in-law's number. If you can get over her five-o-clock shadow and jealous streak, she's an absolute keeper.
Nicole Richie is set to launch her own perfume line when production of The Simple Life is complete:
The adopted daughter of soul star Lionel Richie is currently checking out scents that contains lavender and ginger, according to In Touch magazine. The Simple Life star is reportedly looking to call her new fragrance 'Different'. (Source)
Me: "Is that vomit I smell?"
Some Chick: "No it's Nicole Richie's new scent Eau de Anorexia Nervosa, I think the name's French or something."
Me: "Dude, where are your pants?"
Some Chick: "It's casual Friday, dipshit"
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have finally reached a divorce agreement after a marathon five-hour meeting on Thursday. Various media outlets are reporting that Kevin is walking away with just $1 million due to the airtight prenuptial agreement Britney had him sign before they married. A source "close to the negotiation" told Us Magazine that number is innacurate, as well as reports about a "50/50" custody agreement. A spokesman for Federline's lawyers said:
"All parties signed a global settlement agreement on all issues concerning their marriage and custody of their two children [Sean Preston, 18 months, and Jayden James, 6 months]." (Source)
Another source that is most definitely not my overactive imagination sent in the following transcript of the tense final moments of negotiation:
Lawyer #1: Mr. Federline we are prepared to offer you the following in exchange for relinquishing all future claims to Ms. Spears estate: a $10 million lump cash sum, 100% ownership in the Malibu estate, and title to both the Ferrari and Bentley.
Kevin: OK, OK, I'm writing this down [draws rudimentary picture of stick figure with huge breasts]
Lawyer #1: ... or you can risk everything and go for the mystery box
Kevin: Ohh, mystery box! mystery box!
Deep-Voiced Announcer Guy: Kevin Federline ... you just won a brand new home stereo system with surround sound!
Kevin: Sweeeeeeeet!
Reports were circulating a few days ago that Lindsay Lohan had just purchased a posh new condo on West 42nd Street in New York City. Turns out Lindsay didn't buy shit--her name is just being used as a marketing lure. From the New York Post:
The developers merely offered to let her use an apartment there to give the project some star power. A Lohan source says she's neither buying nor renting the unit but will likely start shopping for a Manhattan pad once she returns from a three-month movie shoot in London. (Source)
So let me get this straight, the developers wanted Lindsay's name attached to the project to sell more condos? A 20-year-old alcoholic whose hobbies include blowing dudes and sleeping in is supposed to help push multimillion dollar condos. That loud sound you just heard was the backers of this project collectively shitting themselves.
According to Fox News, Michael Jackson is currently in a Las Vegas hospital battling pneumonia:
During his recent trip to Japan, the singer had been battling a severe flu, which he apparently caught from his two young children Paris and Prince, his publicist Raymone Bain confirmed. Bain said Jackson and his family returned to the U.S. because they had all fallen ill. Jackson was still sick, she said."I'm not sure what the diagnosis is. It could be pneumonia," she told FOXNews.com's 411 column. (Source)
How ironic would it be if children ultimately caused the death of Michael Jackson? It'd be like volunteer work killing me. "He loved it too much." -- someone somewhere
"The skanks are supposed to use the side door..."
Can you beat my caption?
Winner, decided by me and posted Monday night (4/2), to receive $10 Amazon.com gift code (will be emailed)
Winner (4/3): Congratulations to this week’s winner BlastBottom:
Why are you calling for a car? The free clinic is only a half block that way.
Check back this Friday for new contest.
In what is most certainly not a made-up claim, rap mogul Sean "Diddy" Combs told the London Mirror he had sex for 30-straight hours upon arriving in London with girlfriend Kim Porter last week:
"As soon as we landed, we went straight to the Eiffel Tower, drank champagne at the top and just kissed and kissed. Then we went up to my suite and had tantric sex for at least 30 hours, ordering up whipped cream and strawberries while we were at it. As meticulous as I am with my work, I'm more meticulous with lovemaking. I like to do it for a long time." (Source)
Is it possible to have too much of a good thing. I mean I enjoy sex as much as the next guy but, c'mon, 30 hours? If you're anything like me, you just want to get in, do your business, and then get back to your puzzle. Right now, I'm working on a 10,000 piecer of a New England lighthouse. Such fun! Just like PlayStation!
UPDATE: A reader just kindly informed me the Eiffel Tower is not in London. Of course, I know this, I was merely testing you. Up next? THE OBSTACLE COURSE
