Archive: February, 2007

Hugh Grant was pranked at the Amsterdam premiere of his romantic comedy Music and Lyrics. Under the guise of wanting a picture taken, a woman working for a Dutch television show approached Grant on the red carpet and handcuffed herself to his arm … wait, they actually have movie premieres in Amsterdam? I thought all people did there was sit around in their hemp sweaters and smoke weed. I guess it makes sense though–if you’re releasing a comedy there’s no better place to do it than in a theatre full of laugh-happy stoners, eagerly anticipating the next fart joke. I bet half the dudes over there thought Schindler’s List was a dark comedy.

NOTE: The handcuffing occurs 1:47 into the video. F’ing hilarious!

Racia Oliveria from the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition

More of Racia after the jump…

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In case you missed it the newest cast of Dancing with the Stars was revealed last week. It was your usual assortment of washed-up actors, boy banders, former athletes, and … uh … a one-legged woman. Yep, Paul McCartney’s estranged wife Heather Mills will appear on the upcoming season (Mills lost her left leg following a 1993 car accident in London). However not everyone is looking forward to Mills’ appearance. The U.K.’s “Federation of Disabled People” is arguing that Mills should have her disabled parking badge taken away since she’s not acting how a disabled person should. The Federation’s spokesperson Kathy Gordon argued:

“Clearly she has mobility so she should refrain from using the badge. It’s not fair on other disable people.” (Source)

1.5 legs isn’t enough of a handicap? Really? Having to avoid the rain because the metal hinges on your leg might rust is a pretty damn big handicap to me. What kind of fucked up group of advocates criticizes a disabled person for actually making something of their life? That’s like yelling at your son for winning the state spelling bee but losing at nationals: “C’mon boy, this paddle‘ll teach you to forget about the silent ‘p’ in pterodactyl.”

Portia de Rossi at the 79th annual Academy Awards

More of Portia after the jump…

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For Ben Affleck, one colonic was one too many. The actor has been on a health kick every since his wife, Jennifer Garner, gave birth to their daughter Violet just over a year ago. After giving up smoking Ben decided a good ol’ fashioned colon cleansing was in order. He tells Zoo Magazine:

“I lost my virginity all over again that day, in so many ways. I don’t think I will be having it done again.” (Source)

Ah yes, the infamous colonic. What gets me is that at some point in history a doctor was sitting in his office and thought, “To break the monotony of the day, I think I’m going to anally rape myself with a firehose.” And this has turned into a popular medical procedure. WTF? Imagine trying to explain the concept of a colonic to a dude from the 1850s. You’d get immediately shot.

Orlando Bloom and Penelope Cruz probably had sex Sunday night. Hate to be so blunt about it but sometimes I like to get the point of a story without all the extraneous bullshit. The two were seen flirting “outrageously” at an Academy Awards pre-party. And as we know kids, outrageous flirting almost always leads to outrageous sex. A source told the U.K.’s Daily Mirror:

“Orlando and Penelope were playing pool and flirting outrageously. Penelope seemed more than a little smitten and afterwards they retired to a corner for a couple of drinks - they couldn’t keep their hands off each other.” (Source)

Never been much of a flirting man myself. I think it comes from my Dad. I love the guy to death but man could he be crude sometimes. He used to always tell me “Son, if you’re flirting, you’re not penetrating.” “But Dad,” I used to counter, “the only thing these prisses are into is oral.” My Mom slapped me when she heard that, saying it was inappropriate language for a sixth grader. Whatever.

Some pics of Penelope at the Oscars after the jump…

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Apparently Jennifer Love Hewitt found a ripple in the space time continuum over the weekend and traveled all the way back to 1998. Damn. Look at those sweater puppies. It’s refreshing to finally see this chick dress in something other than what Mary Sue wore to the barn raising last Saturday.

Thank God for high def computer monitors.

More of Jennifer and her glorious rack after the jump…

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Is Lindsay Lohan hitting the bottle again? Last Saturday morning a “raucous” group of girls claiming to be Lohan’s friend called the front desk of L.A.’s Mondrian Hotel “demanding bottles of alcohol be delivered to their room.” They claimed that Lohan herself was in the room with them. According to Lindsay’s rep, Leslie Sloane Zelnik, the so-called “friends” were lying:

“It’s far-fetched that Lindsay was there. She was working all night on the movie set of ‘I Know Who Killed Me’ until 5 a.m. What kind of friends are these that are not supporting her sobriety?” (Source)

Lindsay wasn’t drinking because she was working until 5 a.m.? Yeah and my piss tastes like Dom Perignon. Leslie might as well have claimed that Lindsay wasn’t drinking “because she was in middle earth fighting dragons with a spork” … or maybe “she was halfway across the world mediating peace talks between the Israelis and Palestinians.” The only work Lindsay is doing at 5 a.m. is cleaning the puke off the dude she was just blowing.

A few more pics of Lindsay at Winstons last Saturday night after the jump…

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Now I feel like a dick for calling her fat last night. I know I know, but you try having a 130 pound heffer go reverse cowgirl on you. I though she was gonna snap the bed frame. Eat a salad.

(Source)

From today’s New York Daily News: Which coked-up, oversexed celeb, not previously linked with guys, gave a pleasant surprise to a visiting gay New Yorker in the backyard of a pre-Oscars party in L.A. Friday night?