Anna Nicole Smith's former nanny, Quethlie Alexis, made some pretty crazy allegations about her former boss just a few months before Anna's death. TMZ managed to get ahold of a sworn affidavit which details the claims. Among the allegations:

• Anna Nicole threatened to "shoot her" if the baby ever addressed the nanny as "Mummy."
• Anna Nicole tried to kill herself two separate times. "On the first occasion, she drank in my presence an entire bottle of what I believed to be a sleeping aid." When Smith woke up from the resulting 48-hour coma, she blurted out the words "I wanted to die ... I meant to kill myself."
• Smith "tried to drown herself" in her swimming pool, but Howard K. Stern rescued her from the pool. After the rescue Stern was overheard saying to Smith, "If anything happens to you, I would go to jail."
• She never witnessed Shane Gibson (the Bahamian Minister of Immigration) and Smith having sex, but the former nanny claims the minister would, "spend hours alone with Ms. Marshall in her bedroom" on a "daily basis."

And perhaps the most shocking claim:

• Alexis was ordered to "underfeed" Dannielynn because "[Anna Nicole] was obsessed with making sure that her baby was 'sexy.' [Anna Nicole] knew that the correct amount of baby food was 3 ounces every 3 hours ... [Anna Nicole] insisted that the maximum I was to give was 2.5 ounces. Dannielynn is badly underweight and not thriving, as a baby should." (Source)

I scoured the internet for literally minutes and this was the sexiest baby picture I could find. 2.5 ounces of food every three hours? C'mon Fattielynn, you need to cut back on the formula and maybe start exercising. Or at least pop a few TrimSpa pills. Check under Mommy's bed.

This story is the reason I'm not mourning the death of Anna Nicole Smith.