Charlie Sheen is such a heavy smoker that he's been nicknamed "The Chimney" by friends. Friend and ex-smoker Ellen DeGeneres has urged Sheen to visit the same hypnotist that helped her kick the habit. Though Charlie was hesitant at first, according to Mike Walker of the National Enquirer, he's becoming more open to the idea.

"[Sheen] received complimentary certificates for several hypnotherapy sessions - along with a note from Ellen that read, 'You should do this for your kids.' Here's the surprise: Mr. Macho says he'll try the trance route. Stay tuned."

If hypnosis can help someone kick cigarettes, maybe it can help me...I have this bad habit of yelling racial slurs at my butler any time my custom Italian suits aren't perfectly pressed. What really sucks is he's a white guy. You know how hard it is to come up with a good racial slur for a white guy? "Cracker" is so played out. You don't want to know how much sleep I've lost thinking about this. Someone help me out here.