Besides starring in her own reality show with husband Dean McDermott (set to run on the immensely unpopular "Oxygen network"), former Beverly Hills 90210 star Tori Spelling is writing her memoirs. Simon & Schuster will publish the book by the expectant mother, who is due this spring. According to Spelling, the book will likely be written with the help of a ghostwriter while "the baby is napping."

Spelling, 33, had yet to inform her family, with whom she's had a tense relationship, about the book. According to the newspaper, she planed to tell brother Randy Spelling, 28, over the weekend. (She described her relationship with him as only "okay"). "I certainly hope that (the book) doesn't cause more damage," says Tori.

You know whenever someone says something like "I certainly hope that (the book) doesn't cause more damage" that the book will in fact cause more damage. It's like when someone prefaces a sentence with "I don't mean to offend you..." and then they call you a stupid fatass. The story continues:

Though Tori has not kept a diary over the years - the anecdotes are "only in my head," she says - she still has "a million stories to tell." Among the topics she plans to cover in the book are plastic surgery ("I basically want to lay it out in my terms"), past relationships ("I want to clear up that I was never in a physically abusive relationship, but verbal abuse is just as detrimental"), and her treatment in her father's last will and testament.

Since she has nothing written down, you just know Tori's gonna embellish everything. That time she chipped a nail pumping her own gas is suddenly gonna turn into a story about how she risked her life going undercover to break up a network of South American drug smugglers taking advantage of the Beverly Hills underclass. I can't wait for this book to come out.