Stay with me here while I summarize this whole Donald Trump-Rosie O'Donnell mess. It all started earlier this week after Rosie called Trump a "snake oil salesman" and questioned his "self-made man" status after the real estate mogul said he wouldn't be relieving the troubled Tara Conner of her Miss USA crown. After Trump heard Rosie's comments he threatened to send one of his friends to steal Rosie's girlfriend Kelli Carpenter, called her "a woman out of control," and threatened to sue over misleading statements about his finances:

"You can't make false statements," Trump told People Magazine. "Rosie will rue the words she said. I'll most likely sue her for making those false statements - and it'll be fun. Rosie's a loser. A real loser. I look forward to taking lots of money from my nice fat little Rosie."

Today on The View, Rosie claimed she brought her girlfriend to the show because she "was afraid to leave her at home, in case someone with a comb-over came over and stole her from me." She also posted a lengthy Wikipedia entry about Donald's financial troubles on her blog, ending the summary with the following:

loving the wiki

i use it

do u

i will let u know if the donald sues me

or if kelli leaves me for one of his pals

dont u find him charming

Not to be outdone, earlier this morning Trump called into L.A. morning show "Good Day L.A." and declared verbal jihad against America's most portly lesbian. The highlights:

Regarding the rating surge "The View" experienced after Rosie was hired:

"I bring it up because they talk about me. Ultimately, that show will fail because of Rosie," adding, "Barbara (Walters) made a mistake. She cannot stand Rosie O'Donnell."

Regarding Rosie's intelligence:

"She's not very smart. I think Rosie is stupid."

Regarding Rosie's appearance:

"If you can look as ugly as she looks ... I give her credit for having succeeding moderately."

Regarding...uhhhh.....not exactly sure:

"She was like a little clam. A disgusting thought isn't it, when you compare Rosie to a clam?"

Jesus Christ! I'd make fun of these two but Donald already touched on Rosie's girth and Rosie already brought up Donald's comb-over. So really, nothing's left for me to do. I guess I'll just sit here and try to finish this word jumble. IT'S CRAZY FUN!